tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37634767660909072902024-02-07T22:14:22.028+02:00Allergic to ColeslawEverybody isBen Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.comBlogger459125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-79748485956664749422013-04-01T14:44:00.000+03:002013-05-01T15:34:45.838+03:00OMG OMG OMG!!!!!11OMG J-----, OMG!<br />
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Remember that hip new bar I was terrified about going to the other night? Well, you're not gonna believe this! I MET SOMEONE THERE! A real live woman, and we totally hit it off! It was a little awkward at first, but J-----, it was so amazing. And then! Then, after the show, we went back to her place! She has a roommate, but we had plenty of privacy. And get this J-----, after spending most of the night talking, we actually had sex! Would you imagine? Me, at my age, finally having sex with the most awesome woman I've ever met! She's so goddamn cute, you're just going to die when you see her. I know it sounds silly, but I just know we're going to spend the rest of our lives together and be disgustingly happy for the rest of our lives!!!!<br />
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LOLJK, April fools!<br />
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*cries*<br />
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<i>Update, April 30th: unfortunately, I will not be able to pull this prank quite as effectively next year, or any year after that. *cries even harder*</i>Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-87553561037312647432013-03-31T16:20:00.000+03:002014-12-25T21:55:49.422+02:00This One is a Lot Like the One From Three Weeks Ago<b>or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part XVII</b><br />
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Naming names is always a big mistake. See edition XV for more information, if you must.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvAJ5-YnSlTfTkEkBpi3Ca89U5XHTN8Dx16VZLoPk-cB958BiRsF0f9MSoymRMi0vxjU3FpCrPXEqcO1NKmQ1t85NqVE13ZfGsLdfSW6q_1-diY6O07asjtaYkIqv6RbjN4t2QJTdy6Hw/s1600/YB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvAJ5-YnSlTfTkEkBpi3Ca89U5XHTN8Dx16VZLoPk-cB958BiRsF0f9MSoymRMi0vxjU3FpCrPXEqcO1NKmQ1t85NqVE13ZfGsLdfSW6q_1-diY6O07asjtaYkIqv6RbjN4t2QJTdy6Hw/s1600/YB.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Three weeks have gone by, and she's still just as amazing. And the jeans shorts and exposed navel didn't hurt either.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6uziukP6Na8rkPrbKtMgvD8lOx1hP2PUKyN8fMtsgaAzLpSsOyQvhKtoDnUdQoTLYBrGsmPIMrTo6LIhVwmLjQTOWyCfJgz3R___64nupdQNxh20syYch5CDPohAYwPbMxjKW_3w3vHzn/s1600/AL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6uziukP6Na8rkPrbKtMgvD8lOx1hP2PUKyN8fMtsgaAzLpSsOyQvhKtoDnUdQoTLYBrGsmPIMrTo6LIhVwmLjQTOWyCfJgz3R___64nupdQNxh20syYch5CDPohAYwPbMxjKW_3w3vHzn/s1600/AL.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As seen in <a href="http://allergictocoleslaw.blogspot.com/2012/12/smack-is-whack_9.html">PGISLN XI</a>, only this time she was there just to listen to music, rather than play it.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCgKFt4YAr86SIxK4BVFQlIlEIGQLoFhcSIF8r3bSYm7OQD0nL0RSotIP8mJsx4wUQHmUox-mOZ-qx-PhdwSRTG83u5U9092zcHqa-yP_sOH8hvvaK3uT2lcUAuNFHsEIC6MHj9AkJRXCx/s1600/DL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCgKFt4YAr86SIxK4BVFQlIlEIGQLoFhcSIF8r3bSYm7OQD0nL0RSotIP8mJsx4wUQHmUox-mOZ-qx-PhdwSRTG83u5U9092zcHqa-yP_sOH8hvvaK3uT2lcUAuNFHsEIC6MHj9AkJRXCx/s1600/DL.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This one is mostly known for being cute, being able to dress herself and having been born into money. She also used to be married to some allegedly funny guy who hasn't been even remotely entertaining in over a decade.</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-60902980818867652072013-03-29T17:32:00.000+03:002013-03-29T17:57:00.004+03:00I'd Definitely Occupy That<b>or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part XVI</b><br />
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Last night I saw a one-woman play originally co-edited by Alan Rickman about how lame this country is. Sounds depressing? Wait until you get to see this attractive young lady wearing nothing but her bra and panties!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIvzpLivpgNmqCRYF1js0TGlZRihAL_faVu263cGvY5pnSpLU0ctiw2OMDowlvx6V8XlGBHCpnjnFmKuK5OybDvNpHk4Ln4CyFREB_Q8m31bq2qlVdq2yB87aIFkTwt193tpwp05UqYZsZ/s1600/SK.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIvzpLivpgNmqCRYF1js0TGlZRihAL_faVu263cGvY5pnSpLU0ctiw2OMDowlvx6V8XlGBHCpnjnFmKuK5OybDvNpHk4Ln4CyFREB_Q8m31bq2qlVdq2yB87aIFkTwt193tpwp05UqYZsZ/s1600/SK.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can't even begin to describe how turned on I get by cellulite on hot women.</td></tr>
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The only thing that bothered me about the show was how the only person who kept laughing inappropriately in the audience was this terrible old actress who sat in the row in front of me and is also the wife of the creepy old pervert who runs the monodrama festival. Terrible people are terrible.<br />
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Bonus: a grainy, high contrast black and white picture of a great big puppy, taken right outside the theater!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfmVxz76RMo1F_I-pgz0aozX5DjJSnGCq8hx0IYMNV5n0SX6jDN5XfmZPVQXbOgi_qxxtYwWmVhyphenhyphenuijugKL5fsgpkw0-HPRg-gtMu4ZnHHdZumlNEVN4eObMpTrHsT0rGdzmQegq7yZLRd/s1600/IMG_7720BW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfmVxz76RMo1F_I-pgz0aozX5DjJSnGCq8hx0IYMNV5n0SX6jDN5XfmZPVQXbOgi_qxxtYwWmVhyphenhyphenuijugKL5fsgpkw0-HPRg-gtMu4ZnHHdZumlNEVN4eObMpTrHsT0rGdzmQegq7yZLRd/s400/IMG_7720BW.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-17357766520151996162013-03-27T23:18:00.000+02:002013-03-27T23:18:49.648+02:00Tumtum by Gil Yefman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I took these photos today at the About Stupidity exhibition at the Petach Tikva Museum of Art.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgONWBKAgEu_38XCM9ZRg8DQh0Hg9WiGPEogKW4e5lOA12PwmxPcLaGhAYG5fNtgdF0rjGF5P6n6MWiPIuzqtc5WVCW47qpe_wJinVJ_Cate5rRQeDlqLKOBVlBXbhxHu-UL7jYEk-BhxBV/s1600/IMG_7642.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgONWBKAgEu_38XCM9ZRg8DQh0Hg9WiGPEogKW4e5lOA12PwmxPcLaGhAYG5fNtgdF0rjGF5P6n6MWiPIuzqtc5WVCW47qpe_wJinVJ_Cate5rRQeDlqLKOBVlBXbhxHu-UL7jYEk-BhxBV/s400/IMG_7642.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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This thing is basically amazing.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj24Bvcijhjpx8TF2HBPbZkRzE2TpV5AC6Zqh2wijw305OFuZNMB_mVM3ec7VEjFi_Z3uVcTeKYufYrbS96xlI5-E9YIcjh-uTnV81bFnIC2y-3V-KosKna1A745CetLhPm7zt_i7-XsCUW/s1600/IMG_7644.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj24Bvcijhjpx8TF2HBPbZkRzE2TpV5AC6Zqh2wijw305OFuZNMB_mVM3ec7VEjFi_Z3uVcTeKYufYrbS96xlI5-E9YIcjh-uTnV81bFnIC2y-3V-KosKna1A745CetLhPm7zt_i7-XsCUW/s400/IMG_7644.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Also, it farts.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwAEbBP4ATue8TPqeDJPzAA23eNdiehVCCPO_tzdwzXaqEaPldVc4hU17R_-UmWLH8tSVs7bjJ-afTLudLHS_QMnn71ElihQI3ajyLbSjeL48oNSIoMS-zVHAyUi_7z7j9s-dYjG1t8nR2/s1600/IMG_7645.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwAEbBP4ATue8TPqeDJPzAA23eNdiehVCCPO_tzdwzXaqEaPldVc4hU17R_-UmWLH8tSVs7bjJ-afTLudLHS_QMnn71ElihQI3ajyLbSjeL48oNSIoMS-zVHAyUi_7z7j9s-dYjG1t8nR2/s400/IMG_7645.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Every art museum needs an awesome piece of art that also farts.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKd8Z2ITBcReXE-OSTNs549ZXVpueyeyhyz3HpLIJNpUsL9KJD3az9KDInenzMV0DgSOmruCcGPtbQ0jWQ5gqCv2Or9enzF4Eg4SbSeeOEBjQ6ROCWAbwX3H0gOQZf9B_gfW038ibmz692/s1600/IMG_7643.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKd8Z2ITBcReXE-OSTNs549ZXVpueyeyhyz3HpLIJNpUsL9KJD3az9KDInenzMV0DgSOmruCcGPtbQ0jWQ5gqCv2Or9enzF4Eg4SbSeeOEBjQ6ROCWAbwX3H0gOQZf9B_gfW038ibmz692/s400/IMG_7643.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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Otherwise, what do we even have art museums for?<br />
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Bonus: two artsy black and white photos. It's the graininess that makes it art!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYGEHcFP67EzHCqCv2a2vYsT0kAKpXwUFuabStjV1dYm75IJrPvR4NXPz15rfEMs-Hzjfg1boLkdg322HRKjV3vrYfEDbNTRGu0wmULFHwCP9q9M4sjezp965tvipNEQDy819XtEq_3iSM/s1600/IMG_7694.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYGEHcFP67EzHCqCv2a2vYsT0kAKpXwUFuabStjV1dYm75IJrPvR4NXPz15rfEMs-Hzjfg1boLkdg322HRKjV3vrYfEDbNTRGu0wmULFHwCP9q9M4sjezp965tvipNEQDy819XtEq_3iSM/s400/IMG_7694.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This black kitty was sleeping peacefully just outside the museum. I woke it up because I'm a dick.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYQ6NpGJ_EaGChxFObqrMF3GXvS-IyJWpIp4o-mzwdlktd4j9umk0QDMQAcKTV2Ga7ryhvziyxgOLp9KHT74BqjnG2Ak1G177XYbYK37zDWHAAjn0Hr2mW_MsN5ln60cZY3T3I2Ri7MZzZ/s1600/IMG_7639.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYQ6NpGJ_EaGChxFObqrMF3GXvS-IyJWpIp4o-mzwdlktd4j9umk0QDMQAcKTV2Ga7ryhvziyxgOLp9KHT74BqjnG2Ak1G177XYbYK37zDWHAAjn0Hr2mW_MsN5ln60cZY3T3I2Ri7MZzZ/s400/IMG_7639.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I thought I had crushed my camera to death on the bus, so once I got off it I had to see if it still worked. This is the result.</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-59182795423726859372013-03-12T19:59:00.000+02:002013-03-12T19:59:13.903+02:00Haiku of the Day: Sexual Fantasy #32<i>Anna Paquin, nude</i><br />
<i>I embrace her in my bed</i><br />
<i>She doesn't like it.</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE9F-XdUi1oOXqAJiD0wH2099sxuP5dz9I4rwmDpSNrRm6MlN0FKKZo8gc1AzxQ9kD1JIesJ64iBOqwG6Mfp54284bMDZDOKZvztuMZRO05Areay4tJlmncO0nQR0d7BSbDQThVU9tf3c2/s1600/AP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE9F-XdUi1oOXqAJiD0wH2099sxuP5dz9I4rwmDpSNrRm6MlN0FKKZo8gc1AzxQ9kD1JIesJ64iBOqwG6Mfp54284bMDZDOKZvztuMZRO05Areay4tJlmncO0nQR0d7BSbDQThVU9tf3c2/s1600/AP.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I watched Straight A's last night. It was okay. Could have used a lot more of that purple thing she was wearing in one of the scenes. Fantastic nipples, is what I'm saying.</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-21019001352983949102013-03-08T20:52:00.001+02:002013-03-09T13:39:20.894+02:00Haiku of the Day: Sexual Fantasy #47<i>Two girls on the bus</i><br />
<i>I want to touch Girl A's boob</i><br />
<i>While Girl B watches</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiGn6Lo98mBUxo-YXJCT8KRyVpornFjfz8CWS6nmEs53SdCwKcEKq-UFrJEvVHITmibUIcSdO_f_uG-jMheTnqIdb9AG-SdwTiA7vCGwFvy_F_LuAVKgOTNIbCMSg_PJcxIOqzcfBtKIYY/s1600/2girls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiGn6Lo98mBUxo-YXJCT8KRyVpornFjfz8CWS6nmEs53SdCwKcEKq-UFrJEvVHITmibUIcSdO_f_uG-jMheTnqIdb9AG-SdwTiA7vCGwFvy_F_LuAVKgOTNIbCMSg_PJcxIOqzcfBtKIYY/s1600/2girls.jpg" height="442" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In the image above: two girls. I believe that usually means over three different boobs to choose from!</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-10227469649353422822013-03-07T18:38:00.000+02:002013-03-29T17:13:55.313+03:00Haiku of the Day: Found, The Single Most Perfect Human Female on FSM's Green Earth<b>or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part XV</b><br />
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<i>Yael Birenbaum</i><br />
<i>I want to have your babies</i><br />
<i>By which I mean cats</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAojGBMfVdXmRc9JZsN2N7rrp27_HK3T54lCAok4sAb-I64RIp2q1m7bYKzGk2w07pBhahkRC7sJIiVSEkE0kqBF3xJwDroIfw2um0VDR4OlWO2Og17VrGFl0Y9zK4vlpMocq9wlEky-cq/s1600/yb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAojGBMfVdXmRc9JZsN2N7rrp27_HK3T54lCAok4sAb-I64RIp2q1m7bYKzGk2w07pBhahkRC7sJIiVSEkE0kqBF3xJwDroIfw2um0VDR4OlWO2Og17VrGFl0Y9zK4vlpMocq9wlEky-cq/s1600/yb.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Perfection incarnate.</td></tr>
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So yeah, Jack in the Box are an amazing band and I want Yael Birenbaum to impregnate me with her sweet-scented womanly seed, so that I may give birth to our happy litter of fuzzy little kittens through my belly button.Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-17378621116669054722013-02-21T20:44:00.000+02:002013-02-21T20:44:29.537+02:00Vacation Photos, Part II: Hotel Room Art That Looks Like Excited Lady Parts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Slimy vaginas. Slimy vaginas everywhere.</div>
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Bonus photo: a scary cyborg triceratops!</div>
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Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-56440575699798286132013-02-21T20:25:00.003+02:002013-02-21T20:25:54.834+02:00Vacation Photos, Part I: OMGZ KITTEHS!!!!11<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This week I have had the great pleasure of petting each and every one of these awesome cats at the Dolphin Reef in Eilat. Some of them didn't even try to scratch me!</div>
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Bonus photo: a wet dog!<br />
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-14963893824077144262013-02-13T20:20:00.001+02:002013-02-14T10:46:20.860+02:00Grainy B&W Photos of Something I Found in the Street Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-26362135178956396342013-02-12T20:43:00.001+02:002013-02-22T00:40:03.550+02:00Haiku of the Day: This Was Just a Reason to Morph Some More Letters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl1vRJZlj3HyUp4PxKvrwW_dXi83g780nJxgA9RCpzYOkxGZSWMfv9UZliaf841cs655Bk8pbPZR0bIdi5o0iSRi85j0UWsOvVuEphi3teB64M4v4BqazzQTMMTfkongy2rXfAcWRK6ft4/s1600/7cs.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl1vRJZlj3HyUp4PxKvrwW_dXi83g780nJxgA9RCpzYOkxGZSWMfv9UZliaf841cs655Bk8pbPZR0bIdi5o0iSRi85j0UWsOvVuEphi3teB64M4v4BqazzQTMMTfkongy2rXfAcWRK6ft4/s1600/7cs.gif" /></a></div>
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<i>Dearest Kate Bracken</i><br />
<i>You're the hottest Scottish girl</i><br />
<i>Since Laura Fraser</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMxq-gboKjNBR0UbBCrndrYgsJNp_NaC2nW71vN0mmQN1lXKn-qvAiBG1VFuwNU_-OZC3CD9eIp9GQR_shx2QY89VLejmNPHkuceSRPZvSo1uUwaIqmeTna1bYQMmIbqlivAapx0GAz9Mi/s1600/KB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMxq-gboKjNBR0UbBCrndrYgsJNp_NaC2nW71vN0mmQN1lXKn-qvAiBG1VFuwNU_-OZC3CD9eIp9GQR_shx2QY89VLejmNPHkuceSRPZvSo1uUwaIqmeTna1bYQMmIbqlivAapx0GAz9Mi/s1600/KB.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kate Bracken, who plays Alex on Being Human, happens to be one of those rare individuals you could seriously hurt yourself thinking too much about how beautiful they are.</td></tr>
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Alternatively, this GIF could be dedicated to the amazing Alexandra "Alex" Breckenridge, whom I haven't seen in anything in a really long time, which sucks 37 different kinds of ass. Now here is a 33fps version just for her.<br />
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-11529420447613150032013-02-12T20:24:00.000+02:002013-02-14T17:21:00.133+02:00This Movie is After Your BRAAAAAAAAAIIIINS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIT-QuSrcWPRIkW_M29egDEVwvwE_IbKgBojV6B7d91r0Qmf9l53r3XFvl3QpMNMIMXqwWAvBaVWx9RryU6BvO8DaAS4VgjefOZNIGGQ7MKg5JXe2R_FKgSCERXpKQXNerM5qZguWHXdY6/s1600/warm-bodies-poster-teresa-palmer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIT-QuSrcWPRIkW_M29egDEVwvwE_IbKgBojV6B7d91r0Qmf9l53r3XFvl3QpMNMIMXqwWAvBaVWx9RryU6BvO8DaAS4VgjefOZNIGGQ7MKg5JXe2R_FKgSCERXpKQXNerM5qZguWHXdY6/s200/warm-bodies-poster-teresa-palmer.jpg" height="200" width="134" /></a></div>
Well, I can't say I haven't been warned. Today I went to see Warm Bodies, and it was one of the worst cases of false advertising I have ever seen. Unlike what the trailer has lead me to believe, Warm Bodies is not a zombie comedy. In fact, it isn't a comedy at all. Warm Bodies is just another one of those dreadful supernatural teen romance movies that seem to make so much money these day. Expecting something along the lines of Zombieland, what I got was the undead version of fucking Twilight. I've read a review earlier this week saying just that, but I simply refused to believe it. How bad, I said to myself before entering the theater, could a movie starring Rob Corddry (SO funny), Analeigh Tipton (SO pretty) and John Malkovich (SO creepy) possibly be? The answer is now clear to me. It could be very, very bad. Painfully bad. So bad I didn't care about anything happening on the screen and kept checking my phone for the time, and I NEVER turn my phone on at the movies. Oh well, un-die and learn, I guess. At least the mummy-like Boneys were sort of cool. Boneys, I can only assume, is a term referring to obsessive fanboys of the new animated TV hit My Little Boner: Dipshits are Tragic, voiced by Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon. Coming to the sweaty center of the smelly Middle East this spring!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpquj4eRwwMRb35U85GBMOE5cL-gsJCOze-VJ967cJArjRDIo2T8B4tMIlt5uRTRojDYRSiIqrvZ3RELXCnulQO4tB0jzUjkzkTiRSQKNpyWYbS3OdXKrT2jRz6tNPZkuP2g38AJu22ikD/s1600/rob_corddry-400x500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpquj4eRwwMRb35U85GBMOE5cL-gsJCOze-VJ967cJArjRDIo2T8B4tMIlt5uRTRojDYRSiIqrvZ3RELXCnulQO4tB0jzUjkzkTiRSQKNpyWYbS3OdXKrT2jRz6tNPZkuP2g38AJu22ikD/s1600/rob_corddry-400x500.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Analeigh Tipton may be totally gorgeous and Teresa Palmer may be extremely beautiful in a completely bland sort of way, but it is Rob Corddry who just oozes raw sex in Warm Bodies. Bald guys who aren't me are so darn sexy!</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-68897163179003761172013-02-09T22:31:00.000+02:002013-02-10T20:32:39.947+02:00Animated Haiku of the Day: Is There Anything Sweeter Than a Lena Dunham?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC-NLEJlMbicIrWGRVnrlSuF6U-BzW2zzOUUxiaHrceDsEj6di3GlUZF9ORhHPsC5E1zSuABQnPwyEfgvJP6lL1JT-3Di0rH03ZQguVg_xufYYgMbNTqu7UWrGPNHwJSAq25DVub7TQMjP/s1600/Animation7.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC-NLEJlMbicIrWGRVnrlSuF6U-BzW2zzOUUxiaHrceDsEj6di3GlUZF9ORhHPsC5E1zSuABQnPwyEfgvJP6lL1JT-3Di0rH03ZQguVg_xufYYgMbNTqu7UWrGPNHwJSAq25DVub7TQMjP/s1600/Animation7.gif" /></a></div>
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Bonus: a painstakingly animated morphing G!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJsthgyO9EgcZolxwcTH4AMFd99VfFGIQFpw5Tbxihz5i8VIePbD2X82sCMZNjvlWsjRbBuBjEw-fsF29Pxd6j3pqOQ73ZKc2hISOtHcLKKeyE40wJ5JnIl1gWAzbLGYBQIamwwE_0DjlL/s1600/Animation3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJsthgyO9EgcZolxwcTH4AMFd99VfFGIQFpw5Tbxihz5i8VIePbD2X82sCMZNjvlWsjRbBuBjEw-fsF29Pxd6j3pqOQ73ZKc2hISOtHcLKKeyE40wJ5JnIl1gWAzbLGYBQIamwwE_0DjlL/s1600/Animation3.gif" /></a></div>
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Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-64926936992850871032013-02-08T21:55:00.000+02:002013-02-09T22:04:13.758+02:00Haiku of the Day: Hooray, Human Contact!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnUNqvaMm_Wur0R6nkLkDYOqvb8OvSnLfRY9Is9YVo8pg7GeoCUTtUjWavVemIkWGPXA-idjqSmdbyIHzwy05-MqhDfi4jktPVR8e4Z6mqccXuNF291gW6dpGVgl1Ibv2IIu4_yju181oV/s1600/373467_149832938505867_1948779899_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnUNqvaMm_Wur0R6nkLkDYOqvb8OvSnLfRY9Is9YVo8pg7GeoCUTtUjWavVemIkWGPXA-idjqSmdbyIHzwy05-MqhDfi4jktPVR8e4Z6mqccXuNF291gW6dpGVgl1Ibv2IIu4_yju181oV/s200/373467_149832938505867_1948779899_n.jpg" width="79" /></a></div>
<i>Sivan's right shoulder</i><br />
<i>Brushing against my left arm</i><br />
<i>My jeans are ruined.</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6iWlwsjbCZ5UsbaZHCZeqNQ2IV-EBw4XY6TisXjJZn9g5wEnx4Y1grd29MEPZ6nZovhz3HQuqW41FSlQ3rdf6T_aZLKuhcpepa4NfrsaHxwrXsk3kxMhdLC3hibUxe_uRWLd94kEh5ZCz/s1600/sa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6iWlwsjbCZ5UsbaZHCZeqNQ2IV-EBw4XY6TisXjJZn9g5wEnx4Y1grd29MEPZ6nZovhz3HQuqW41FSlQ3rdf6T_aZLKuhcpepa4NfrsaHxwrXsk3kxMhdLC3hibUxe_uRWLd94kEh5ZCz/s1600/sa.jpg" /></a></div>
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Sometimes I think that the only reason I go to live shows is so that an attractive young woman would hold my wrist in her delicate hand and stamp me.<br />
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And sometimes I think that the only reason I go to see Eatliz live whenever I can is for those brief moments when it seems like Sivan Abelson is looking right into my eyes without judging me too harshly as a human being.Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-9050240625709435642013-02-03T20:38:00.000+02:002013-02-03T20:39:15.742+02:00Haiku of the Day: And I Fucking Hate Cigarettes<i>Smoking girl walked by</i><br />
<i>I breathed in her exhaled smoke</i><br />
<i>Cancer erection</i><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMBAKO1nNNkbATxmVP9wk7ayMFkf-GmkJj2t4G42CPhqkxkJtKJaYaayPdjTUYRCTshCdoxhccdIghMk_XNMhsGFofBdAGb1SxMnsrnT69dI6h3pyZXDftfvbXqETsB2ue6oL1y9-EgQlQ/s1600/Ivana.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMBAKO1nNNkbATxmVP9wk7ayMFkf-GmkJj2t4G42CPhqkxkJtKJaYaayPdjTUYRCTshCdoxhccdIghMk_XNMhsGFofBdAGb1SxMnsrnT69dI6h3pyZXDftfvbXqETsB2ue6oL1y9-EgQlQ/s1600/Ivana.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ivana Milicevic and Buffy are Eskimo sisters!</td></tr>
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In other news: I'm deeply sorry, Ivana Milicevic. Even at the ripe age of 38 you're still absolutely gorgeous and I really did try to like Banshee, but it just wasn't very good. Other new shows to avoid this season are The Following and Do No Harm. Bleh.</div>
<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-60834136262871647322013-01-27T19:23:00.000+02:002013-01-27T19:23:26.009+02:00The Most Solemn Fap of AllWould you buy this vintage denim overall, previously owned by an elderly person (and possible Holocaust survivor) in need and recently worn by international fashion model Adi Neumann? I sure would, if only for the privilege of smelling the faint scent of her skin on the fabric during every single morning fap session for as long as I shall live. Unfortunately, this particular item has already been sold (to some extremely lucky perv, I'm sure), but there are still many others at the <a href="http://hdpro.co.il/rootsfashion/">Roots</a> website, all pre-owned by nice old people who need your spending money much more than you do. Happy International Holocaust Remembrance Day.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghuhPlCfYTSh4rwI6evnYsLishIDuGh24bQqvpgD0dPFXuZFIC9rMqhn5FSebTCFkWlf1vYjEocrkBKRNraB-QBCP53VFMt8COpNPNEWCc1a6kmx1varGaEHcbUxx9mDWj_eHPFZkR0qyk/s1600/an.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghuhPlCfYTSh4rwI6evnYsLishIDuGh24bQqvpgD0dPFXuZFIC9rMqhn5FSebTCFkWlf1vYjEocrkBKRNraB-QBCP53VFMt8COpNPNEWCc1a6kmx1varGaEHcbUxx9mDWj_eHPFZkR0qyk/s1600/an.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If Ms. Neumann really wants to help the needy she should just start selling her used, unwashed panties online, because there are still a lot more creepy panty sniffers out there than hipsters who enjoy dressing up like their grandparents.</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-76679255752051872432013-01-27T18:36:00.000+02:002013-01-27T18:36:34.924+02:00A Wool Hat on ThingsWool hats are cool. Here is what my new wool hat, knitted by the person who once gave birth to me, looks like on various inanimate objects.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggi7YJsP-RrvJoEUqh-0LNRG0scBJl5t1zgQwkcFKyaq88jGVwAvdqqAMiHNk5VpbN0jZeDrpQwCNL1Fe3MMDtNeD_ckPRQ3dI9WMeXovyQzjQqOXx0NB1VjVT5xgHfXxWyIv7Ru0hCpGH/s1600/775275_10151450090453688_902081821_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggi7YJsP-RrvJoEUqh-0LNRG0scBJl5t1zgQwkcFKyaq88jGVwAvdqqAMiHNk5VpbN0jZeDrpQwCNL1Fe3MMDtNeD_ckPRQ3dI9WMeXovyQzjQqOXx0NB1VjVT5xgHfXxWyIv7Ru0hCpGH/s400/775275_10151450090453688_902081821_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A glow-in-the-dark skull from the London Dungeon wearing a cool wool hat.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_b2gE2Mai6zkrSmduDRVJLUJT1H1mWdj2PHdIL14MVrNangzvbY2IKk6Qo7dcXkNqrAV0LL32-ivx6_0PJah15zoOKKzxr779aR5FwKm_Y89_SvJq1MreRc0GMorklr6ONE2WZ3BspSl5/s1600/778905_10151450091048688_77656605_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_b2gE2Mai6zkrSmduDRVJLUJT1H1mWdj2PHdIL14MVrNangzvbY2IKk6Qo7dcXkNqrAV0LL32-ivx6_0PJah15zoOKKzxr779aR5FwKm_Y89_SvJq1MreRc0GMorklr6ONE2WZ3BspSl5/s400/778905_10151450091048688_77656605_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A dragon skull from Hamburg wearing a cool wool hat.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaFVRg4yp7w7mdWP11a2Z4JI_to_arm2h-UX-D66zpPpZcMbH6Fdawg9KGu7QWcnwcRF3Di0Gh69coOMTIE7QzQxGbCakQ9Ks5h6n7r_KzsACFx1rzLVKjypoJlW6KrN6gxpvXD2dUFJqh/s1600/778768_10151450090068688_298221781_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaFVRg4yp7w7mdWP11a2Z4JI_to_arm2h-UX-D66zpPpZcMbH6Fdawg9KGu7QWcnwcRF3Di0Gh69coOMTIE7QzQxGbCakQ9Ks5h6n7r_KzsACFx1rzLVKjypoJlW6KrN6gxpvXD2dUFJqh/s400/778768_10151450090068688_298221781_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A wooden bear I found in the street wearing a cool wool hat.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHc1WbXwZ_S3V_nMg_GnTvJBdj2RpYi0p4qdUZmjrj0t1mUgWt5-Urdkazk7dTq_WsssjlKk80eH6tmePeVDB4Ex-tLUaDrVO00T-bnH6EgmYG706rX8O5N5zJK_wG65z5oaz58-QDIwvz/s1600/793782_10151450090593688_1881008555_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHc1WbXwZ_S3V_nMg_GnTvJBdj2RpYi0p4qdUZmjrj0t1mUgWt5-Urdkazk7dTq_WsssjlKk80eH6tmePeVDB4Ex-tLUaDrVO00T-bnH6EgmYG706rX8O5N5zJK_wG65z5oaz58-QDIwvz/s400/793782_10151450090593688_1881008555_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Halloween pumpkin from Italy wearing a cool wool hat.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSLVH_cJxU9oaU6InJ6Gkl1ba7x3vKX3AXMn8wripYnmqeB6GQRHvxPDSJEPkD-HACI5Kp8Of6fgopx1MSR6KrcYrYe-2L4XNMMF1xDvQ4HuZo0A8HrEBMwKJOa-Vk29TwrPEH-8ctAen3/s1600/793687_10151450090168688_1454055956_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSLVH_cJxU9oaU6InJ6Gkl1ba7x3vKX3AXMn8wripYnmqeB6GQRHvxPDSJEPkD-HACI5Kp8Of6fgopx1MSR6KrcYrYe-2L4XNMMF1xDvQ4HuZo0A8HrEBMwKJOa-Vk29TwrPEH-8ctAen3/s400/793687_10151450090168688_1454055956_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A fire-breathing dragon from Worms, Germany wearing a cool wool hat.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUe2ztJnAlWMGsxjsFx3_M74W0_NCZsWmOC4uf3s6f5k7hyie9Uwc2KfomQ0xMSS_kDKGnfd9L5GC37xZCBZOtxiLzpiYLHPi8Z0uwlM-gQzJU-OYJVq-hmI9GogxcixEGdAV190mli1h4/s1600/798322_10151450090898688_823838895_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUe2ztJnAlWMGsxjsFx3_M74W0_NCZsWmOC4uf3s6f5k7hyie9Uwc2KfomQ0xMSS_kDKGnfd9L5GC37xZCBZOtxiLzpiYLHPi8Z0uwlM-gQzJU-OYJVq-hmI9GogxcixEGdAV190mli1h4/s400/798322_10151450090898688_823838895_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A skull from Berlin wearing a cool wool hat.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPkZ0v69Rj0QNvzi-F2MqlJL1dkyDnOJGO6IHHg58AZgnJznUS1Wu8XelGgq3EzL52iGJmSwf1PX8xt47snJn6zRg9SZAuDp7GHzOzcu00ewp5e-g6-gZxAHolPCzkVrDg_oZjnusuN2Cw/s1600/798360_10151450092423688_455062437_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPkZ0v69Rj0QNvzi-F2MqlJL1dkyDnOJGO6IHHg58AZgnJznUS1Wu8XelGgq3EzL52iGJmSwf1PX8xt47snJn6zRg9SZAuDp7GHzOzcu00ewp5e-g6-gZxAHolPCzkVrDg_oZjnusuN2Cw/s400/798360_10151450092423688_455062437_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A carnival mask from Venice wearing a cool wool hat.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-26588120437157269512013-01-24T17:50:00.000+02:002013-01-24T17:52:32.929+02:00The Greatest Travesty of Our Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibHub9t3ulj7SQ-qN3BMTvGg0-vg8bDz6BorVasYYaF7g_C1bbk_GAEsui-_yi29jOC16LcXCus6Lm2NdRB5FMSiujfqkc1nMyk31OQqvLOpoPbYdbUwOT5r_jF50IGxfhhRtWQiJ3VAtT/s1600/Django-Unchained-Poster-570x845.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibHub9t3ulj7SQ-qN3BMTvGg0-vg8bDz6BorVasYYaF7g_C1bbk_GAEsui-_yi29jOC16LcXCus6Lm2NdRB5FMSiujfqkc1nMyk31OQqvLOpoPbYdbUwOT5r_jF50IGxfhhRtWQiJ3VAtT/s200/Django-Unchained-Poster-570x845.jpg" width="134" /></a></div>
This election day I went to see Django Unchained, and it was obviously extremely cool, but there was one little thing that ruined my viewing experience. With all due respect, and I'm not trying to exaggerate or anything, but casting a beautiful and talented young actress like Amber Tamblyn in a movie as cool as this one and then giving her less than a second of screen time is easily the greatest American injustice since slavery.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrMH-IoPPOeENmagO4kdGKocaQshijShGx341JLb8ZjvgoY1WPAqIsHi7_q1FLHT7zdpZlQEt9QeuiqMS67jAiubr6SRtdC0vEuFcidKrONAcMxAIszTOIGrJuayN6ESX3XQs-CB1qvWTX/s1600/amber.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrMH-IoPPOeENmagO4kdGKocaQshijShGx341JLb8ZjvgoY1WPAqIsHi7_q1FLHT7zdpZlQEt9QeuiqMS67jAiubr6SRtdC0vEuFcidKrONAcMxAIszTOIGrJuayN6ESX3XQs-CB1qvWTX/s1600/amber.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also, Amber Tamblyn is married to a Jewish guy who was 19 when she was born, and that's fucking disgusting.</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-86079143097090005372013-01-20T18:52:00.000+02:002013-01-20T18:52:28.605+02:00Signs That a Magic Show isn't That Great, Part 4/1<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPlbvCgmSRUYiGnbfO5cX6oP-3sFLblOucr-U7vF0pGcOSOvn5ttBBYyWgjfFD0RK9QOG-i-AkGEnUPy_C3NAFgqR3AlKu4bttPSZU4-mB8xDLGFdq2Y33Jas2jFf8xfKohivmJoBdVtta/s1600/magcomp4b.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPlbvCgmSRUYiGnbfO5cX6oP-3sFLblOucr-U7vF0pGcOSOvn5ttBBYyWgjfFD0RK9QOG-i-AkGEnUPy_C3NAFgqR3AlKu4bttPSZU4-mB8xDLGFdq2Y33Jas2jFf8xfKohivmJoBdVtta/s1600/magcomp4b.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seems almost too good to be true, doesn't it?</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-59751046654844746592013-01-12T16:38:00.000+02:002013-01-24T17:56:20.321+02:00There is No God: The Ultimate Proof<b>or: Pretty Girls I Saw This Week, Part XIV
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Just before the main discussion panel at the atheist convention in Tel-Aviv had started, two stage men were setting up two tables on the stage. I was sitting in the second row, in front of the right side table. "If this totally hot member of the party I'm going to vote for in the coming elections sits by the right side table," I said to myself, "then the concept of an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent deity may not be so stupid after all. However, if she sits by the left side table, it definitely is." Once the break was over, this political cutie sat down at the left side table. You may now draw your own conclusions.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc3ytEBd1zg27GRyan2lbAc-9H0BHJdjXwMS4B51JoG0IS-EbGB6-sQf4rZTa-s8WayGNk7H-B-6q7azN7AwR-p4yD1L8n5_RBeK0n-DnkvtExkd38LJ7PO7UsehI3Kur4NKg2AFA_Kee1/s1600/tz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc3ytEBd1zg27GRyan2lbAc-9H0BHJdjXwMS4B51JoG0IS-EbGB6-sQf4rZTa-s8WayGNk7H-B-6q7azN7AwR-p4yD1L8n5_RBeK0n-DnkvtExkd38LJ7PO7UsehI3Kur4NKg2AFA_Kee1/s1600/tz.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Although, I suppose if Meretz gets six or more seats on the 22nd I might be persuaded to change my mind.</td></tr>
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<i>Update: OK, so Meretz got exactly six seats, but I still think it's a bit silly to worship someone who insists on watching me masturbate every day.</i><br />
<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-25465139340722065602013-01-06T19:46:00.000+02:002013-01-09T12:07:03.641+02:00Some People Just Don't Know How to Age, Part II<b>or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Week, Part XIII</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWQBwt9B8-dfQG_9sHL8D7Xp3cDcbjp1hLTtm9BDKAOLptKXnPJZ_-VoCdMXP40JN8R3xwu9A8MupFtUOyHz-BaPiJGgcl97zuR1g4o6Mhs6i3Tne1OABoYo0zf6WaPXpRNcucWWVMi9kx/s1600/trojan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWQBwt9B8-dfQG_9sHL8D7Xp3cDcbjp1hLTtm9BDKAOLptKXnPJZ_-VoCdMXP40JN8R3xwu9A8MupFtUOyHz-BaPiJGgcl97zuR1g4o6Mhs6i3Tne1OABoYo0zf6WaPXpRNcucWWVMi9kx/s200/trojan.jpg" height="200" width="141" /></a></div>
Also last week, I went to see the Japanese-Israeli co-production of The Trojan Women at the Cameri theater, directed by Yukio Ninagawa and performed in Japanese, Hebrew and Arabic, and I've enjoyed it immensely. Reading the Hebrew subtitles, which were positioned at both sides of the stage, gave my neck a bit of a workout (we were sitting in the middle of the second row), but it was certainly worth the effort. Once again, the one thing I found profoundly annoying was how 44-year-old Japanese actress Yōka Wao, who played Helen of Troy, looked like she was in her late twenties at the most. Shame on her, for making me peek lustily at the panties of a woman in her mid-forties.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6njnh9htdtNgOZJV8ZstueGK-5rSxoBtBqiyuBkITQFrG0y6zh58cJKxbUXkTXvrUdBSx2KQvu16ad_Q6bsVOeH4dZNJ7kkGmwDax3Uqg8A5AZfrgqH_wL-7Zf_uKZ3FfwUPLR99-_vvK/s1600/yoka.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6njnh9htdtNgOZJV8ZstueGK-5rSxoBtBqiyuBkITQFrG0y6zh58cJKxbUXkTXvrUdBSx2KQvu16ad_Q6bsVOeH4dZNJ7kkGmwDax3Uqg8A5AZfrgqH_wL-7Zf_uKZ3FfwUPLR99-_vvK/s1600/yoka.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In case you were wondering, they were white.</td></tr>
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See also: the first two actresses in the <a href="http://allergictocoleslaw.blogspot.co.il/2012/02/pretty-girls-ive-seen-last-night.html">very first Pretty Ladies IRL post</a> who were also featured in this play.Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-39919657652128852942013-01-06T19:24:00.001+02:002013-01-06T19:25:09.901+02:00Some People Just Don't Know How to Age, Part I<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4hLF7lg7__kLUxqaUSFmNxUmsDKz9KRGJdkrL1jiJ6uHQ495kt6-LBEHSeAd2k_yRLgRgWHwTg2_XYBav3px1WclN8eoJJ4grqxWUgsg4VJKv1Vc8lJ2onoXCKcmruZzNwx5AoQ4bNWRy/s1600/cloud-atlas-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4hLF7lg7__kLUxqaUSFmNxUmsDKz9KRGJdkrL1jiJ6uHQ495kt6-LBEHSeAd2k_yRLgRgWHwTg2_XYBav3px1WclN8eoJJ4grqxWUgsg4VJKv1Vc8lJ2onoXCKcmruZzNwx5AoQ4bNWRy/s200/cloud-atlas-poster.jpg" width="143" /></a></div>
Last week I went to see Cloud Atlas, and even though some stories were better than others (the future is always more interesting than the past) and the makeup jobs were a little uneven (Halle Berry as a middle-aged Korean man? Seriously?) the entire experience was simply overwhelming and truly amazing to behold. Easily the best thing the Wachowski siblings have done since 1999. The only thing that bothered me was how Ms. Berry, who is currently 46 years old, looks exactly like she did over a decade ago in Swordfish and the first X-Men. Hasn't anyone taught her how to age properly? She should be ashamed of herself.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0MtN9EcKwUp9qd_oxdRJZiaPdzOBTyW89Xq4AeAhCiPaLueIHiN-wpRSg42dZDbDhD5xb8p-DgT9VNuCqzREAHVPHre-1rWDe1MBGFZce-sDOQLKlHIrE6PjW0xtSRTbJtcyYTC9P5jGI/s1600/halle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0MtN9EcKwUp9qd_oxdRJZiaPdzOBTyW89Xq4AeAhCiPaLueIHiN-wpRSg42dZDbDhD5xb8p-DgT9VNuCqzREAHVPHre-1rWDe1MBGFZce-sDOQLKlHIrE6PjW0xtSRTbJtcyYTC9P5jGI/s1600/halle.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is basically how old Halle Berry looks in Cloud Atlas. I don't think that's her natural hair color, though.</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-45906939820307827792013-01-06T09:41:00.000+02:002013-01-21T16:55:35.123+02:00I am a Serious Political Post<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBewe1dLyoN5N62pEyk3oKJC0G7VIXHLTAQM9xD4THMO7dnDMoN4DmQtYTGDJ9cSdglZ7In0Ti5VliWyNc3yWpENCBDAj9Ha_dKg7zcV6KjuHKj2UqtQzakUPPn9nMmGCGtV4D9tKZfblL/s1600/shaked.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBewe1dLyoN5N62pEyk3oKJC0G7VIXHLTAQM9xD4THMO7dnDMoN4DmQtYTGDJ9cSdglZ7In0Ti5VliWyNc3yWpENCBDAj9Ha_dKg7zcV6KjuHKj2UqtQzakUPPn9nMmGCGtV4D9tKZfblL/s1600/shaked.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
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For further rage-fapping material, google Ayelet Shaked of the Jewish Home party, a future member of the Israeli parliament. She's basically the political equivalence of putting a hot girl in a bikini on an overpriced, gas-guzzling car, or using a redhead with pointy nipples wearing a wet t-shirt in a commercial for a sugary soft drink loaded with artificial colors that give you butt cancer.Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-36022043814632363332012-12-24T21:20:00.001+02:002012-12-24T21:20:55.375+02:00Merry Jewish Christmas 2012<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUmrsFGNK6NEktxiPxRrSxUvLuH_7e5PODAtlSfyrghZ3WNocgvg8ueQmT8MDB-T5ZkrKw1HkrX8NkVzOF8pY3yTyBCZEiKr5h8N3Iwu7iP0bF4F5_UCJNysa4m4Sqo_oK4PFZFx44SO5k/s1600/415275_10151387873188688_1085468014_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUmrsFGNK6NEktxiPxRrSxUvLuH_7e5PODAtlSfyrghZ3WNocgvg8ueQmT8MDB-T5ZkrKw1HkrX8NkVzOF8pY3yTyBCZEiKr5h8N3Iwu7iP0bF4F5_UCJNysa4m4Sqo_oK4PFZFx44SO5k/s1600/415275_10151387873188688_1085468014_o.jpg" height="533" width="400" /></a></div>
Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3763476766090907290.post-2702177778556890872012-12-20T20:17:00.001+02:002012-12-22T23:42:51.173+02:00An Unexpected Technology<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yesterday I went to see The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and was completely overwhelmed by the effect of the HFR format. High Frame Rate technology is truly amazing to behold. It is also devastatingly awful. By some miracle of alchemy, because it makes motion look so real, it makes the film look like the opposite of what a cinematic experience is supposed to look, which in turn makes it look completely fake, like watching actors move around a film set. Most of the movie looks like one of those old-timey shot-on-video television dramas, while the CGI looks like it belongs in a video game or an amusement park ride. Whenever an actor makes a quick motion, it looks like someone pushed the fast-forward button. Because of the way single-projector 3D setups work, HFR somehow distorts the 3D effect, so that fast-moving objects seem to float against the background. Worst of all, it made my eyes physically hurt during the first hour or so of the screening. And yet, the high frame rate really does turn The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey into an awe-inspiring visual experience. Most of the time I found it to be completely distracting, but when it does work, it works like nothing you've ever seen on a screen. The next two Hobbit films have already been shot, so they'll probably bear similar flaws, but I think it's fair to assume that by the time James Cameron starts shooting the Avatar sequels next year they'll be able to work out the kinks and make HFR look absolutely spectacular.<br />
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So how was the actual movie? Well, obviously, it was way too long for is own good, but not half as boring as I thought it would be. The Gollum scene alone was worth the price of admission, and the rest was pretty cool too, so I will definitely be revisiting the world of The Hobbit in December 2013 as well as December 2014, if only to see the cute talking dragon. I sure do love those cute talking dragons.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sara Canning does not star in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey because she doesn't have a penis, but what she lacks in genitalia she certainly makes up for with a truly glorious mouth, and right now she's the only reason I still watch Primeval: New World.</td></tr>
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<br />Ben Coleslawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01917534368744274762noreply@blogger.com0