Tuesday, February 12, 2013

This Movie is After Your BRAAAAAAAAAIIIINS

Well, I can't say I haven't been warned. Today I went to see Warm Bodies, and it was one of the worst cases of false advertising I have ever seen. Unlike what the trailer has lead me to believe, Warm Bodies is not a zombie comedy. In fact, it isn't a comedy at all. Warm Bodies is just another one of those dreadful supernatural teen romance movies that seem to make so much money these day. Expecting something along the lines of Zombieland, what I got was the undead version of fucking Twilight. I've read a review earlier this week saying just that, but I simply refused to believe it. How bad, I said to myself before entering the theater, could a movie starring Rob Corddry (SO funny), Analeigh Tipton (SO pretty) and John Malkovich (SO creepy) possibly be? The answer is now clear to me. It could be very, very bad. Painfully bad. So bad I didn't care about anything happening on the screen and kept checking my phone for the time, and I NEVER turn my phone on at the movies. Oh well, un-die and learn, I guess. At least the mummy-like Boneys were sort of cool. Boneys, I can only assume, is a term referring to obsessive fanboys of the new animated TV hit My Little Boner: Dipshits are Tragic, voiced by Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon. Coming to the sweaty center of the smelly Middle East this spring!

Analeigh Tipton may be totally gorgeous and Teresa Palmer may be extremely beautiful in a completely bland sort of way, but it is Rob Corddry who just oozes raw sex in Warm Bodies. Bald guys who aren't me are so darn sexy!

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