Photos from the General Schwarzwald Area, Part I

So, last week I got back to the Middle East, and yeah, my time in Germany was sort of amazing, but as usual, there was one thing that totally blew me away: German chicks. Oh my god, German chicks. Oh. My. God. German chicks. Seriously. German chicks. I cannot stress this enough. German chicks, oh my god. Now here's a bunch of poorly taken and utterly boobless photos, featuring a dead insect, vegan sausages and an adorable puppy!

Random photos from Montenegro (and some from Croatia)

The outside parts of two pretty ladies. I wonder where the inside parts went!

A mossy rock that looks like a friggin' skull!

Why would you want to pee into a hole in the floor when you have nature all around it?

The birthplace of Montenegro's handsomest serial killer!

BOOBIES!!!

Boobies or GTFO.

I wonder what kind of person shaves at a filthy park, and which body part exactly got shaved.

OMG PUPPY!!!

A jolly blacksmith that looks like friggin' Santa!

Both these things had mommies, but now they are art.

Aww, I love you too spooky ghost!

A cute little toad!

Montenegro has lots of strange and exotic insects!

A Njeguši cheese sandwich and some local beer. Yum!

Church bones!

Pipe smoking is strictly forbidden!

Do you know what giggity sounds like in German? I do!

Spongebob Schwammkopf!

I guess that's what happens when you bite too hard on a hard, long Cockta.

A chubby dude clipping his toenails on the beach!

A loud Italian family trying to have their picture taken!

Eating a can of Israeli chickpeas on the steps of a big pretty church!

It's the Creature from the Black Lagoon!

MOAR BOOBIES!!!11

An old dude with a nice round belly!

And a creepy ceramic fish!!!

Did you know

Did you know that two glasses of cow's milk (about 500ml) have as much cholesterol as in a single grape? To take your mind off of this shocking truth, here is another crude gif animation!

Best holocaust movie EVER

This week I went to see X-Men: First Class, and it was great, just great. Really, a fantastic film. The story, the casting, the acting, the action, everything is just top notch, and making an X-Men movie that's set in the '60s during the Cuban missile crisis (with a deeply movie introduction set during WWII) is nothing short of brilliant. Kudos to Matthew Vaughn, who is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors working today, for breathing life back into the X-Men film franchise. My only problem with the movie is this: why is it that in a film full of new and exciting female characters donned in wonderfully skimpy outfits, the only seriously hot chick is a two-second cameo role played by an actress we've already seen in the first three movies? I mean, Jennifer Lawrence, playing a young Mystique, is really very pretty, but I don't care how nice her boobies look in blue makeup, because at the age of 20 she still looks like a child. Zoë Kravitz, who plays some sort of winged hooker, is pretty damn hot, but I'd still rather bang her mom. Rose Byrne has like zero sex appeal, which is a real shame for a woman this good looking. And January Jones? I'm sorry, maybe there's something seriously wrong with me, but she does absolutely nothing for me, and her portrayal of Emma Frost was just plain boring. Despite all that, X-Men: First Class is now my favorite X-Men movie, and not just because it's the first one where someone uses the F word. If things go as planned, I don't see any reason why the sequel can't have some nice, tasteful mutant nudity. If there aren't any three breasted women in the X-Men universe, I really think it's about time to make one up.

On second thought, I guess sometimes two are just enough

In other news: I don't get it. I really don't. Why would anyone want to eat goat dairy products? Why do people do that to themselves? Why would you want to eat something that makes your mouth feel like you've just licked a goat's anus clean? I really don't get people. But I guess there's nothing new about that.

Love haikus!

Your boobs are awesome

They look like two lumps of fat

May I touch them, please?

You're my favorite place

To put my penis into

Way more than my hand

If you'd ask me to

I'd have sex with other dudes

Just not in the butt

You are breathtaking

Much like a rose in full bloom

Or a child's anus

Your mouth tastes like pears

I'd like to explore its depths

With my love sausage

Gross looking vegan sausages

What's gross and funny and sort of delicious?

Tshoolnt is a traditional Jewish dish known to have caused severe indigestion to members of the chosen people throughout the centuries. It's basically a stew that is usually made of potatoes, beans, barley and gross chunks of dead cow, but you can also make a vegetarian version of it. You can also buy it in a can. The canned stuff is actually vegan, but the vegan police has recently revoked all my super powers for eating some fat free yogurt, so I'll just ignore that aspect of it for now. Here is what the can looks like. The description on the label says: "A traditional Jewish dish with cooked beans and barley seasoned in a tasty sauce".

If it says so on the label, it must be true!

I haven't had this product in at least a decade, because I've only seen it in cans that you have to open with a can opener, which I don't like because can openers are messy and not very lefty-friendly, but a couple of days ago I picked up a can at the supermarket, and what do you know! It had that little thingy on the lid that I like so much! So naturally I had to take it home with me.

My beloved thingy! I mean, my other beloved thingy

The ingredients in this version include water, beans, barley, some kind of vegetable protein (have fun trying to guess which vegetable!), soybean oil, salt, fried onions, spices and a whole bunch of scary sounding additives. Yum!

I hope they don't think cows are a vegetable

OK. Time to lift the lid and take a first whiff!

Hmm.

So far so good. And have I mentioned I'm eating it cold, right out of the can? Yeah. I'm going to eat it cold, right out of the can, hobo style. That's just the kind of classy dude I am.

Hmmmm....

It's orange. And liquid. Let's dig in and see what else is hiding down there!

This sort of looks like a bean!

I guess that sort of looks like the picture on the label. Sort of. The color is kinda off, and there's way too much of that gross looking sauce. But what does it taste like?

om nom nom

Hey, that's actually not that bad!

nom nom nom nom

Very oily and very salty, but not too bad at all!

om nom nom nom nom nom

Those little bits of fake meat feel sort of weird in my mouth, but I think I actually kinda like it!

Almost done...

This was a really good idea. They should have put that thingy on the lid years ago!

Where did it all go??? *cries*

As far as gross canned food goes, this was a pretty entertaining quick meal! I'm totally getting more of it next time I'm at the supermarket, despite the fact that I can already feel a pretty bad case of diarrhea coming my way. Oh well. All in a day's work, I suppose.

Congratulations on a job well done!

Note to self: taking pictures of food while you're eating it is fun. You should totally do it again sometime, with more kinds of new and interesting and gross food!

Note to note to self: good idea. Sounds like a solid plan. See you next time I go shopping hungry!

(update: it's even better when heated!)