Sunday, January 27, 2013

The Most Solemn Fap of All

Would you buy this vintage denim overall, previously owned by an elderly person (and possible Holocaust survivor) in need and recently worn by international fashion model Adi Neumann? I sure would, if only for the privilege of smelling the faint scent of her skin on the fabric during every single morning fap session for as long as I shall live. Unfortunately, this particular item has already been sold (to some extremely lucky perv, I'm sure), but there are still many others at the Roots website, all pre-owned by nice old people who need your spending money much more than you do. Happy International Holocaust Remembrance Day.

If Ms. Neumann really wants to help the needy she should just start selling her used, unwashed panties online, because there are still a lot more creepy panty sniffers out there than hipsters who enjoy dressing up like their grandparents.

A Wool Hat on Things

Wool hats are cool. Here is what my new wool hat, knitted by the person who once gave birth to me, looks like on various inanimate objects.

A glow-in-the-dark skull from the London Dungeon wearing a cool wool hat.

A dragon skull from Hamburg wearing a cool wool hat.

A wooden bear I found in the street wearing a cool wool hat.

A Halloween pumpkin from Italy wearing a cool wool hat.

A fire-breathing dragon from Worms, Germany wearing a cool wool hat.

A skull from Berlin wearing a cool wool hat.

A carnival mask from Venice wearing a cool wool hat.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Greatest Travesty of Our Time

This election day I went to see Django Unchained, and it was obviously extremely cool, but there was one little thing that ruined my viewing experience. With all due respect, and I'm not trying to exaggerate or anything, but casting a beautiful and talented young actress like Amber Tamblyn in a movie as cool as this one and then giving her less than a second of screen time is easily the greatest American injustice since slavery.

Also, Amber Tamblyn is married to a Jewish guy who was 19 when she was born, and that's fucking disgusting.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Signs That a Magic Show isn't That Great, Part 4/1

Seems almost too good to be true, doesn't it?

Saturday, January 12, 2013

There is No God: The Ultimate Proof

or: Pretty Girls I Saw This Week, Part XIV

Just before the main discussion panel at the atheist convention in Tel-Aviv had started, two stage men were setting up two tables on the stage. I was sitting in the second row, in front of the right side table. "If this totally hot member of the party I'm going to vote for in the coming elections sits by the right side table," I said to myself, "then the concept of an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent deity may not be so stupid after all. However, if she sits by the left side table, it definitely is." Once the break was over, this political cutie sat down at the left side table. You may now draw your own conclusions.

Although, I suppose if Meretz gets six or more seats on the 22nd I might be persuaded to change my mind.

Update: OK, so Meretz got exactly six seats, but I still think it's a bit silly to worship someone who insists on watching me masturbate every day.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Some People Just Don't Know How to Age, Part II

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Week, Part XIII

Also last week, I went to see the Japanese-Israeli co-production of The Trojan Women at the Cameri theater, directed by Yukio Ninagawa and performed in Japanese, Hebrew and Arabic, and I've enjoyed it immensely. Reading the Hebrew subtitles, which were positioned at both sides of the stage, gave my neck a bit of a workout (we were sitting in the middle of the second row), but it was certainly worth the effort. Once again, the one thing I found profoundly annoying was how 44-year-old Japanese actress Yōka Wao, who played Helen of Troy, looked like she was in her late twenties at the most. Shame on her, for making me peek lustily at the panties of a woman in her mid-forties.

In case you were wondering, they were white.

See also: the first two actresses in the very first Pretty Ladies IRL post who were also featured in this play.

Some People Just Don't Know How to Age, Part I

Last week I went to see Cloud Atlas, and even though some stories were better than others (the future is always more interesting than the past) and the makeup jobs were a little uneven (Halle Berry as a middle-aged Korean man? Seriously?) the entire experience was simply overwhelming and truly amazing to behold. Easily the best thing the Wachowski siblings have done since 1999. The only thing that bothered me was how Ms. Berry, who is currently 46 years old, looks exactly like she did over a decade ago in Swordfish and the first X-Men. Hasn't anyone taught her how to age properly? She should be ashamed of herself.

This is basically how old Halle Berry looks in Cloud Atlas. I don't think that's her natural hair color, though.

I am a Serious Political Post

For further rage-fapping material, google Ayelet Shaked of the Jewish Home party, a future member of the Israeli parliament. She's basically the political equivalence of putting a hot girl in a bikini on an overpriced, gas-guzzling car, or using a redhead with pointy nipples wearing a wet t-shirt in a commercial for a sugary soft drink loaded with artificial colors that give you butt cancer.