Signs That a Magic Show isn't That Great, Part 4/1

Seems almost too good to be true, doesn't it?

Lame Pun of the Day: Hearing Aids

This heart-warming family tale came to me in a dream last night. Enjoy!

Foolproof Pick-up Line #27

This is Not an In-depth Analysis of The Dark Knight Rises

This is just a photo of some big-tittied chick The Bat was dumb enough to risk his life for just because he got to bang her that one time. Silly Bat, hoots are for babies! (and for grown men who still think oversized mammary glands hold the key to their happiness.)

They are still rather spectacular, Marion Cotillard!

A slightly more detailed review follows in the form of haikus:

So how was the film?
Just as I had expected
Pretty darn awesome!


Christopher Nolan
You are a fine director
Why so serious?


Bane's not so scary
Couldn't see the bad guy's mouth
Stole Dragonheart's voice


Dear Anne Hathaway
You might want to eat something
You look malnourished


Were I into guys
I would bone Morgan Freeman
And Sir Michael Caine

It's a Good Thing We've Never Actually Met

The Amazing Penis Parker

All I wanted was to see the lovely Emma Stone in 3D. Today I got to see her in a 3D movie (The Amazing Spider-Man, to be specific), but unless a highly skilled 3D technician is involved, that is hardly the same thing. So I'm not sure I got what I came for. What else can I say about the film? Umm... well, it certainly was a Spider-Man origin movie. That's about it. Oh, and I guess I still don't understand why they decided to cast a medium-sized turkey as Aunt May, but I suppose they had their reasons. That is all.

You may have pretty great gams, Emma Stone, but I have a feeling that your nipples are a bit on the irregular side. I dare you to prove me wrong!

Next booze night I'm totally going to watch 500 Days of Summer, Marc Webb's first movie, if only to see if the guy who directed music videos for Maroon 5, Pussycat Dolls and P. Diddy can make something that isn't completely generic. I just hope that it's entertaining enough for Drunk Ben to maintain a buzz worthy of a mid-week booze night.


Update: yes, yes he can. Also, Zooey Deschanel's character is a bitch.

Watch Out, He's Got a Butt!

Feel Free to Drop an F-Bomb, Late '70s Mad Magazine

Mad Magazine, January 1978. I recently picked up my copy at this cute little used bookstore in Tel-Aviv. Apparently even back then everybody knew that C3PO preferred boy-bots (and that R2D2 was a gay bashing asshole).

First Time Babysitting Insight

I think it's just awful when parents think they have the right to shave their infant's pubic region. I mean, it makes them look like goddamn porn stars! It is a rotten, rotten world we live in.

The Avengers: Complete and Unabridged Review

So, today I finally went to see The Avengers, and found it to be grossly overrated.

The End.

Now, this is where I wanted to send a big thank you to the (eventually) kind people at Yes Planet who've been starting to give movie goers the option to see 3D movies in glorious, eye-popping, mouth-watering 2D, but they lost all their points today when they allowed a large group of the most monstrous little children I have ever had the displeasure to witness to enter the theater unaccompanied by an adult. Shame on you.

And here is a photo of Cobie Smulders in her underwear, because apparently pictures of hot chicks are all my blog is good for

Busty Guy Problems

I really like Busty Girl Comics. Boobs are hilarious.

Foolproof Pick-up Line #26

Foolproof Pick-up Line #25

Honest Mistake

Foolproof Pick-up Line #24

This is a really efficient one, but it only works of you're of ethnic descent. In case you're not sure what that means, Webster's Dictionary defines 'ethnic' as anyone who isn't pure Caucasian.

Foolproof Pick-up Line #23

I have always been fascinated by the act of performing cunnilingus on a prostitute. Especially if she looks like the lovely Judy Greer!

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

Foolproof Pick-up Line #22

My Elaborate Purim Costume, 2012 Edition

Step 1: Get a black sweatshirt.

Step 2: Order some Batman symbol decals on eBay (for $1 a piece).

Step 3: ?????

Step 4: I AM THE BAT.

Foolproof Pick-up Line #21

The Truth Can Also Be Neat

Note: I could easily make one about a vagina (I've done something similar with an asshole a while back), but I just don't feel very comfortable drawing a body part I haven't had any physical contact with in over three decades. If memory serves me correctly, those things are huge, raw and dripping with dark blood and thick mucus. Yeah. That sounds about right. So they really aren't something I would like to commit to paper. Sorry ladies, better luck next time.

See also:

The truth hurts. Even when there's two of you!