An Unexpected Technology

Yesterday I went to see The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and was completely overwhelmed by the effect of the HFR format. High Frame Rate technology is truly amazing to behold. It is also devastatingly awful. By some miracle of alchemy, because it makes motion look so real, it makes the film look like the opposite of what a cinematic experience is supposed to look, which in turn makes it look completely fake, like watching actors move around a film set. Most of the movie looks like one of those old-timey shot-on-video television dramas, while the CGI looks like it belongs in a video game or an amusement park ride. Whenever an actor makes a quick motion, it looks like someone pushed the fast-forward button. Because of the way single-projector 3D setups work, HFR somehow distorts the 3D effect, so that fast-moving objects seem to float against the background. Worst of all, it made my eyes physically hurt during the first hour or so of the screening. And yet, the high frame rate really does turn The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey into an awe-inspiring visual experience. Most of the time I found it to be completely distracting, but when it does work, it works like nothing you've ever seen on a screen. The next two Hobbit films have already been shot, so they'll probably bear similar flaws, but I think it's fair to assume that by the time James Cameron starts shooting the Avatar sequels next year they'll be able to work out the kinks and make HFR look absolutely spectacular.

So how was the actual movie? Well, obviously, it was way too long for is own good, but not half as boring as I thought it would be. The Gollum scene alone was worth the price of admission, and the rest was pretty cool too, so I will definitely be revisiting the world of The Hobbit in December 2013 as well as December 2014, if only to see the cute talking dragon. I sure do love those cute talking dragons.

Sara Canning does not star in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey because she doesn't have a penis, but what she lacks in genitalia she certainly makes up for with a truly glorious mouth, and right now she's the only reason I still watch Primeval: New World.

Should You Watch ParaNorman: a Study

Yes. Yes, you should. Right now. Like, this very minute. Go!

Anna Kendrick is cute and pretty and funny and talented and I love her and I want to marry her and sit on the couch with her and watch a movie together and maybe smell her hair a little if she falls asleep but probably not and that's okay because she's Anna Kendrick and she's amazing.

I'll Have 400gr of Sarah Gadon, Please

Last night I saw Brandon Cronenberg's Antiviral at Icon TLV, and it was by far the most deliciously Cronenbergian film I have seen in over a decade. Antiviral tells the story of a hideously freckled young man who works as a salesman for a company that sells interesting and exotic diseases extracted from interesting and exotic individuals to people who want to feel as close to their favorite celebrities as they possibly can without actually being in the same room with them. Something happens to this one really hot chick, and then something happens to the ginger sales guy, and a bunch of people keep eating cloned human flesh and puking up blood and sticking each other with needles, but what's really important is that from the very first scene I was once again completely immersed in the beautifully creepy world that is the lavishly diseased brain of a member of the Cronenberg clan, in a way I haven't felt like since the first time I saw Videodrome. David Cronenberg may have officially left the world of all that is good and slimy in the late '90s, but I guess that is why people feel a need to procreate, because while Antiviral is undoubtedly an entirely original creation, one which I'm sure will only gather more and more recognition as more and more viewers are exposed to it, Brandon is still very much his father's son, with all the weird and crazy shit that sort of thing tends to entail. He also seems like a really cool guy, someone I definitely wouldn't mind sharing a mugwump with, and I kinda wanted to shake his hand after the Q&A session, but that would have been kinda weird, because he's about my age, and I usually like my celebrity male crushes to be old enough to be my dad. The young Cronenberg said that he is planning to keep making movies until he runs out of Canadian government money, and if he keeps making them this good, I expect nothing less of him.

Fine, make it 600gr of Sarah Gadon. But you better make it boob meat, because I'm feeling pretty lonely tonight.

And today I saw Dredd 3D, which has some pretty cool gore and violence and not much more than that. Also, the 3D was garbage. The movie was supposedly shot on 3D, but it has so many awful converted shots (including every single close-up) that I found it completely unwatchable. Not even the lovely Olivia Thirlby could save this one, as her only job here was to have yellow hair and deliver awful, generic dialogue. What a complete waste of my time.

I Think I Just Got Loopus!

Today I went to see Looper, the new R-rated neo-noir time travel sci-fi thriller written and directed by Rian Johnson (the brilliant mind behind Brick) starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis as Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emily Blunt as a blonde with a southern accent and Piper Perabo as a hooker with adorable little boobies. Sounds like a recipe for a huge disappointment, doesn't it? Well, unfortunately for all you pessimistic assholes out there (me included, naturally), it is not. Looper is just as amazing a film as its premise makes it sound, and so much more. It's set 30 years in the future but it doesn't shove that fact down your throat, the acting is solid all around, the writing and directing are obviously of the highest quality imaginable, the time travel rules are a little weird but still extremely cool, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's makeup is totally freaky but not too distracting, and it literally has the best booty-call-via-frog scene I have ever seen in my entire life. If you're a fan of all that is good and pure, it does not get much better than this big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey cinematic stuff.

IMDB said Looper was rated R for nudity (among other awesome things), but I did not expect to see Ms. Perabo wearing nothing but her undies! Good stuff. Good, good stuff.

And eariler this week I went to see the new Resident Evil movie, but since it didn't seem to have a plot or a script or any acting to speak of I don't really have much to say about it, other than that I did have some fun staring at a 3D Milla Jovovich wearing nothing but a couple of post-it notes, and that I'm definitely looking forward to the next movie in the franchise, mostly just because I really like flying monsters.

The Amazing Penis Parker

All I wanted was to see the lovely Emma Stone in 3D. Today I got to see her in a 3D movie (The Amazing Spider-Man, to be specific), but unless a highly skilled 3D technician is involved, that is hardly the same thing. So I'm not sure I got what I came for. What else can I say about the film? Umm... well, it certainly was a Spider-Man origin movie. That's about it. Oh, and I guess I still don't understand why they decided to cast a medium-sized turkey as Aunt May, but I suppose they had their reasons. That is all.

You may have pretty great gams, Emma Stone, but I have a feeling that your nipples are a bit on the irregular side. I dare you to prove me wrong!

Next booze night I'm totally going to watch 500 Days of Summer, Marc Webb's first movie, if only to see if the guy who directed music videos for Maroon 5, Pussycat Dolls and P. Diddy can make something that isn't completely generic. I just hope that it's entertaining enough for Drunk Ben to maintain a buzz worthy of a mid-week booze night.


Update: yes, yes he can. Also, Zooey Deschanel's character is a bitch.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Last week I went to see Prometheus, and despite of what most of the reviews I've read since then had to say, I didn't think it was stupid, I wasn't bothered by any plot holes and I don't think Ridley Scott needs to stop making movies. In fact, I thought it was one of the most interesting, thought provoking, intense, visually breathtaking and just awesome movies I have ever seen. And the 3D was really good too! Until now, the only two Ridley Scott movies I've actually liked were Alien and Blade Runner, so I basically haven't enjoyed any of his stuff since I was two years old, but Prometheus just blew my stupid little mind to bits. It's no Alien, because it's not about chasing a scary monster through dark corridors, but it's so much more than that. I'm not saying I actually understood even half of it, but I knew I was watching something truly unique, and long before the movie ended I knew that I wanted to see it again in the next couple of weeks. And then I went online and read a lengthy but elegant analysis of the film, and then I knew I just had to see it again as soon as fucking possible. The explanation seemed kinda weird, but it was based on interviews with Mr. Scott himself, and in a way it made perfect sense (spoiler: once again it's all the chosen people's fault). So yeah, it's pretty clear to me that I'm going to enjoy Prometheus even better the second time, but that will have to wait until I get back from visiting Germany. In the meantime, my message to Ridley Scott is simply this: please make more sci-fi movies, you're really good at those, and please don't bother with other genres anymore, because the last thing the world needs right now is more movies that don't have any robots or gooey space monsters.

Well apparently Charlize Theron is one of those women who still look amazing even as they near their Terrible 37. Good for her!

Coming up next week: expect a bunch of poorly taken pictures of cute German puppies, and if I'm lucky enough, cute German kitties too!

Best Horror Appearance 2012: Gary Busey's Teeth

This week I went to see Piranha 3DD, and it was actually very entertaining, especially after watching 2010's Piranha 3D, which I didn't like one bit (eww 3D conversions). The premise is basically the same, only with a water park full of plastic-boobed strippers instead of a beach full of horny college kids, but everything works much better this time around. The script is funnier, the gore is much more interesting and uses a lot more practical, rubber fish and not just CGI (that's a good thing), David Hasselhoff's manly manboobs are deeply impressive and best of all, I finally got to see the beautiful Danielle Panabaker in her undies AND wearing a tiny little bikini top in glorious native 3D! I don't think Piranha 3DD is going to win any Oscars (like anyone even cares about them anymore), but it's a really fun and gory 83 minutes, Danielle Panabaker is absolutely gorgeous and thanks to the Hoff the ending is just hilarious, so unless there's a toothy fish nibbling on your genitalia at the moment, I see no reason for you not to get off your lazy ass and go see it right now!

I think the rule is, if she was born in the '80s, it isn't THAT creepy

The Avengers: Complete and Unabridged Review

So, today I finally went to see The Avengers, and found it to be grossly overrated.

The End.

Now, this is where I wanted to send a big thank you to the (eventually) kind people at Yes Planet who've been starting to give movie goers the option to see 3D movies in glorious, eye-popping, mouth-watering 2D, but they lost all their points today when they allowed a large group of the most monstrous little children I have ever had the displeasure to witness to enter the theater unaccompanied by an adult. Shame on you.

And here is a photo of Cobie Smulders in her underwear, because apparently pictures of hot chicks are all my blog is good for

Wikipedia is a Treacherous, Two-Headed Bitch

The last time I looked up Wrath of the Titan on Wikipedia, which was about a couple of months ago, it said that unlike its predecessor, the new movie was shot in native 3D. Yesterday I went to see it, and from the first few frames of footage it became painfully clear that I had just wasted perfectly good money on yet another 3D converted mess. Sure, 3D conversions aren't the eyesores they used to be two years ago, and the CGI in the movie, of which there's quite a bit, was clearly rendered in 3D, but had I known about it beforehand, there's no way I'd have entered the theater willingly. How was the movie then? Well, these movies don't really have much to offer other than big scary monsters, and I guess those weren't all that bad, and there was also this one scene in some sort of maze that was really cool, but I still wish I were smart enough to avoid it altogether. And the moral of the story is: when in doubt, always check Wikipedia right before going to the movies.

And since I didn't find any of the actresses in Wrath of the Titans to be particularly fap-worthy, here is a photo of the luscious Sarah Jones, who looked so pretty on Alcatraz that I barely even noticed her mediocre acting skills!

And what's with those oversized boobs anyway? I'm so tired of getting a semi-chubby every time she runs after someone

John Carter of Mehs

Today I went to see John Carter, and it just wasn't very good. It was way too cheesy for its own good, I didn't care at all about any of the characters, the creature design wasn't very interesting (all the green dudes looked pretty much the same to me), Mars was all brown and dusty and depressing and the whole thing just felt more like a Disney cartoon circa 2000 ("funny" dog sidekick included) than a real movie. And while the fake 3D wasn't completely awful, there were still plenty of mistakes to distract me from the rest of the awfulness (it's a good thing I remembered to bring a pair of 2D glasses from home, which was very helpful during most of the Earth scenes). If you enjoy weird alien names and you like your movies to have more corn in them than a Romanian peasant's belly, John Carter is definitely the right choice for you. Otherwise, just watch Avatar again, where at least some of the freaky native life forms were hot.

Lynn Collins, Y U NO show your boobs more during your short time on True Blood???

You know what's weird though? Before the movie they showed a trailer for The Avengers, and I'll be darned if the fake 3D didn't look great! I am officially confused, and I'm going to have to think long and hard about it. Hopefully when the movie comes out in May everything will be cleared up.

It Worked Perfectly

Today I went to see Martin Scorsese's Hugo and it was really really REALLY good, easily my favorite Scorsese movie ever, and the 3D was nothing short of spectacular (well, at least some of the time), and even though nostalgia usually makes me barf violently I was totally moved by the story, and Georges Méliès really was a genius and I can't wait for the remastered A Trip to the Moon blu-ray to come out (yay Air!) and those archive clips were the only truly justified 3D conversions I've seen so far, but seriously, Chloë Grace Moretz needs to get her act together and GROW UP ALREADY, because I am getting sick and tired of feeling like a total pedobear every single time I see her on screen.

Seriously.

Bonus haiku:

Oh Chloë Moretz,
If I were but half my age
Or you twice your own.

That Skull is FA-LAMING!

This week Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance came out in Israel and I'm sure it's mildly entertaining despite the horrible reviews, but there's no way I'm going to see it any time soon because they only have it in awful fake 3D here, and watching a 3D movie using 2D glasses is a special kind of hell I only reserve for movies I absolutely must see on the big screen (John Carter will probably be the first one). Besides, I've already seen Nicolas Cage in 3D in Drive Angry, and that was native 3D. Let us all hope that the guy who first came up with the concept of digitally converting movies into 3D will get really bad eye cancer real soon, so he can feel the collective pain of everyone who's ever had to watch an entire movie using that ridiculous sham of a technology.


And since I haven't seen the Ghost Rider sequel and therefore can't really tell if Violante Placido's hotness can last an entire movie, here is a photo of the lovely Jane Levy (Suburgatory), who is basically the prettiest thing you can find of TV these days. Jimmy Kimmel may not have pronounced her last name the way us Heebs do, but to me she'll always be an honorary Jewess. Enjoy!

Also, ridiculously sexy teeth. Yum!

Update: okay, so she's only half-Jewish (on her dad's side). Good enough for me!

Lycans and Vampires and Boobs, OMFG!

A couple of days ago I went to see Underworld: Awakening in 3D, and it was so great to see that Kate Beckinsale is still totally hot, even at the ripe old age of 38. I wasn't really expecting much from the fourth installment in the Underworld series, but I actually had loads and loads of fun watching it! For the price of admission you get non-stop action, a story that is actually kind of interesting in an obvious sort of way, some very nice gore shots, cool looking vampires, big scary werewolves (both the CGI and the guy-in-a-rubber-suit variety), a smoking hot Kate Beckinsale in a tight black outfit (and also out if it), a gorgeous little 12 year old hybrid girl (man, was I relieved to find out later that the actress who plays her is actually 18) and a 3D experience that is actually worth the extra 8 shekels, despite the film's dark, blue-tinted color scheme (I guess there's a reason why the Hebrew title of the series is War of Darkness). Swedish directors Måns Mårlind and Björn Stein did a very nice job with this sequel and proved that they actually know how to shoot a movie in 3D, so they better hurry up and start working on Underworld 5: Revenge of the Vamp MILF as soon as possible, preferably before Ms. Beckinsale hits 40, because there is nothing sadder in the whole wide world than a formerly beautiful woman. If you saw Lauren Holly on Lost Girl this week, you know exactly what I mean.

During my early 20s I went through this phase where basically all I did was play FreeCell and jack off to pictures of Kate Beckinsale. This is what she looked like back then, which oddly enough, really isn't all that different from how she looks now. Good for her.

Bonus haiku:

Oh Kate Beckinsale,
How I want to make sweet love
To your lovely face.

The Darkest Hour and a Half

In a world where most commercial 3D projection systems are based on a single projector setup, which decreases image brightness by 50%, filming a movie called The Darkest Hour in 3D isn't exactly the brightest idea in the world. Today I went to see it, and even though this lighthearted tale of alien invasion deep within the Russian wilderness does feature a very cool way to kill off filthy humans, it is most underwhelming in every other respect. The good news is that in anticipation of going to see it, last night I had a dream in which I joined the four guys of The Big Bang Theory in the task of designing our very own homemade 3D projection system, and it was by far the most entertaining dream I've had lately that did not involve urination. And you know who's really hot in that show? The lovely Melissa Rauch, who plays Bernadett! She's Jewish and funny and totally cute and only a month younger than me, and so I would like to take the opportunity to award her this month's Official Coleslaw Seal of Approval. Congratulations, Ms. Rauch! You may now ask my mom for my very manly hand in holy matrimony.

I DOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!11

Bonus haiku:

Dear Melissa Rauch
You have way too many teeth
Or so it would seem

How to Become the World's Biggest, Meanest Badass

Step 1: Purchase a ticket for a regular movie.
Step 2: Bring your own pair of 3D glasses from home.
Step 3: Sneak into a 3D movie.
Step 4: Freak out throughout the entire screening over your chances of getting caught by an usher.
Step 5: Success!

(Warning: this may also turn you into an ailurophile pirate)

You'll Believe a Shark Can Fly

Last night I went to see Shark Night 3D, and I guess it was okay. For the price of admission you get to see a multiracial group of attractive young people (and the geek from Avatar) wearing very little clothing and getting attacked by various CG sharks, one rubber hammerhead and two rednecks, and if that's all you expect from a movie, then you're in luck. However, if it's a decent story, compelling characters or believable acting that you're after, you better look elsewhere. The PG-13 rating means that gore is kept to a minimum (including one of the most awful 'missing hand' practical effects I've ever seen) and nudity is limited to just a little sideboob, but the girls do run around in skimpy little bikinis most of the time, which is really nice. What's the deal with Sara Paxton though? She's obviously a very beautiful young woman with a totally cute face, really nice boobs and a perfect little ass, so the reason why she has the sex appeal of a damp turnip is completely beyond me. On the technical side, while during some scenes in the movie the 3D effect is virtually nonexistent, the action scenes look really good, and the underwater shots are pretty incredible. Shark Night 3D is no Jaws 3D, it's not even Piranha 3D (although the 3D is obviously superior), but if you enjoy looking at cute girls in bikinis and fake looking CG man-eating fish, I can think of much worse ways to spend an hour and a half.

Sara Paxton is as cute as a button, and also as sexy as one

Bonus haiku #1:

Last night in a dream
A pretty girl touched my hand
It was amazing

Bonus haiku #2:

Oh Katy Perry
I'm so in love with your boobs
Russell Brand sucks balls

How virginal does a virgin oracle have to be?

I mean, obviously, she has to be a vagina-virgin. But what about her butt virginity? Is there anything in Greek mythology about virgin oracles who had butt sex? And what about mouth virginity? Is there any evidence of virgin oracles who lost their fortunetelling superpowers after going down on a dude? And handjobs? Are they enough to turn a virgin oracle into an ordinary future-blind little Miss Slutty Vanderslut? And what about virgin oracles who prefer chicks? And why don't you ever hear about male virgin oracles? And where exactly can one apply to get virgin oracle status? These questions and more had passed through my mind yesterday as I was trying to watch Tarsem Singh's latest film, Immortals, but failed to get a clear view of it because the 3D made it so dark I couldn't really make much of the details (it was a Dolby 3D screening at the Rav-Hen Dizengoff). From what I was able to see I could tell that the story wasn't very interesting (as required in the genre), the acting was awful (another requirement), the action wasn't that bad (why else would anyone want to see a sword-and-sandal movie?) and the visuals were pretty interesting (why else would anyone want to see a Tarsem Singh movie?). I really liked the fight scenes that involved gods (you can tell they're gods by the way they're dressed like flaming homosexuals - yeah, even the one chick-god) and I don't believe I've ever seen a minotaur castrating a dude with a really big hammer before, but most of the film was pretty much a pain to watch. I guess the fake 3D wasn't completely horrible, but having seen the trailer in 2D in the past, and how nice and bright it looked, I really would have preferred to see the whole movie that way, and maybe then I would have been able to enjoy it.

Oh, and there's some Australian blonde in it too, but unless I get to see her perform unspeakable acts on this horse here, I don't really give a crap.

As pointless as a man with red hair

This week I went to see The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, and even though it was kinda fun and the visuals were pretty great and some of the action sequences were really cool and Andy Serkis was AMAZING (as usual) as a big-nosed captain, unfortunately Tintin is the world's greatest non-character, the story wasn't that interesting, the 3D was sort of lame and I still don't get the point of making a Tintin movie in motion capture animation. The way I see it, if you have access to that kind of technology, the first thing you do is make a movie that takes place in an exotic, far away place like Mars or Alpha Centauri or Pandora, and then populate it with all sorts of dragon-like creatures and hordes upon hordes of smoking hot alien chicks with silky green skin and gorgeous faces and fuzzy, wiggly antennas and boobs so pointy they can slice a tongue in half. Instead of going the logical way, for some reason The Adventures of Tintin is about a bunch of dudes doing stuff in a boat, and then some more stuff in some sort of sand country. No aliens, no dragons, no boobs. I mean, I know Hergé was kind of a dick when it came to women, but come on! And that wasn't even the most troubling part of the movie: could someone please explain to me what a bestiality joke is doing in a Tintin movie?! Personally, I would absolutely love to see more English-speaking animated films aimed at adults, but in a movie that goes out of its ways to be kid-friendly, a line about sheep fucking just felt completely out of place. The Adventures of Tintin was enjoyable enough to watch, but the whole thing felt like such a tragic waste of time, money, talent and technology that I don't know if I can trust Steven Spielberg anymore. I think his next movie is about a Nazi-killing horse or something, so maybe that would be kind of cool. Maybe.

And since there aren't any hot chicks in The Adventures of Tintin, here is a photo of the lovely Alexandra Breckenridge, who does an incredible job playing the sexy young version of Frances Conroy in American Horror Story! 

In other news: I finally got to watch A Serbian Film, and to be perfectly honest I thought that the infant porn scene actually made a lot of sense. I mean, think about it: why should an infant's first encounter with adult genitalia be exclusive to vaginas? Right? Think about it. I dare you.

OMG BLIMPS!!!1

Four Movies in Eight Days, Part I: Last week I went to see the new The Three Musketeers in 3D, and it was pretty good! I really like Paul W.S. Anderson's movies, because they never try to be something that they're not and you always get what you came for, be it flesh eating zombies, crazy aliens from outer space or Milla Jovovich in dresses that make it look like she has boobs. I can't really remember much about the plot of the movie, but I do remember I had a lot of fun, which I guess tells you all you need to know about it. And you know what? I never would have expected a Paul W.S. Anderson movie to be so funny! It even has that fat British guy who's been in a bunch of stuff, as well as that Nazi guy playing some sort of Christian in a dress! Also, France has a flaming homosexual teenager for a king. And yeah, as expected, there's also the stunning Ms. Jovovich being all evil and stuff and jumping around through fancy booby-trapped corridors. I'm pretty sure the original book didn't have any blimps in it, and it seems likely that it didn't have as many S-words (yay PG-13?), but the movie was entertaining enough to ensure that I will definitely go see the inevitable sequel in a couple of years, and isn't that what's really important these days?

Who the hell needs boobs when you're this hot?

Saving the planet, one dead teenager at a time

This week I went to see Final Destination 5 in 3D, and as expected, it was totally freaking awesome! I got exactly what I came for, that is, more or less attractive teenagers getting offed in hilariously gruesome and highly improbably ways, and so much more. And the 3D was just fantastic, with some of the most spectacular opening credits I've seen recently and plenty of deliciously eye-popping popping eyes, among other severed body parts. And I'm pretty sure that by bringing in an old pair of 3D glasses from a previous movie (the one I didn't use to make my 2D glasses) instead of taking a new pair I singlehandedly saved our planet's fragile environment, so yeah, you're welcome earthlings. And there was even a Terry Poison song in the background during one scene at the restaurant! Terry Poison!!! Also, I've never seriously considered going through laser eye surgery, mostly because having perfect vision at all times would just freak me out, but somehow this movie made me like the idea even less. Also, acupuncture. And most types of physical activities. Besides, everybody knows that chicks with glasses are totally hot, and any woman vain enough to go through surgery just to get rid of her glasses should be declared legally brain dead. Finally, while The Walking Dead's Emma Bell is very very pretty and totally adorable, and while it is my understanding that Jacqueline MacInnes Wood is technically hot, for today's boobie picture I've chosen Final Destination 3's Chelan Simmons, partly because she's mentioned in the Wikipedia article about the new movie, but mostly because of her unbelievably hot nude scene in that tanning bed two sequels ago, a scene so breathtaking it shall be etched onto the inside of my skull until the end of time.

I really need to watch Final Destination 3 again. Not only did it have Chelan Simmons' rocking boobs, it also had Gina Holden AND Ramona Flowers!!!

If Final Destination 5 is the last movie you'll want to see before getting laser eye surgery, Inside is probably the last movie you'll want to watch when you're expecting a first child, or possibly a first niece. If the people on the other side of the living room wall didn't think I was some sort of serial rapist they definitely do now, especially after having to listen to the muffled sounds of a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic marathon, followed by an hour and a half of a French pregnant chick being tortured to death.