People are Awful: The OkCupid Experiment

The Experiment:
Two weeks ago, disappointed by humanity yet again, I've decided to try and compose the most awful, cheesy and boring dating profile known to man. It had to be believable, so it couldn't be all bad, but it was pretty damn close. There wasn't a single original idea in the entire profile. It was basically one excruciatingly typical cliché. I then proceeded to answer over 200 matching questions (this is how OkCupid matches potential partners) in the most douchey way possible. Finally, I added a single profile photo, one that I found by googling 'white guy with sunglasses'. The person in the photograph was wearing large, pink-rimmed sunglasses (during what appeared to be nighttime, no less), so one couldn't really tell what he looked like. I am not going to translate the profile, because most of the awfulness would be lost in translation, but those of you who read Hebrew might get a kick out of it.

The Results:
Well, they certainly weren't very surprising, assuming one is at all familiar with the human species. Within 10 short days, and without contacting any other OkCupid member, the fake profile had received over 70 visits from eligible women and six personal messages, numbers which my real profile took over 6 month to accumulate.

Conclusion:
People are awful and they only like other people who are just as awful as they are, we are all doomed and I definitely don't want to live on this planet anymore. So long, and thanks for all the vegan burgers.



In other news: so the recent war (oh, I'm sorry, 'military operation') got here this afternoon, which included sirens all over the Tel-Aviv area and two loud bangs. If this should be the last post I ever make, you'll be able thank our Fearless Leader for it.


Update, November 17: the fake profile just got the 'you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid' email. FML.

I'll Have 400gr of Sarah Gadon, Please

Last night I saw Brandon Cronenberg's Antiviral at Icon TLV, and it was by far the most deliciously Cronenbergian film I have seen in over a decade. Antiviral tells the story of a hideously freckled young man who works as a salesman for a company that sells interesting and exotic diseases extracted from interesting and exotic individuals to people who want to feel as close to their favorite celebrities as they possibly can without actually being in the same room with them. Something happens to this one really hot chick, and then something happens to the ginger sales guy, and a bunch of people keep eating cloned human flesh and puking up blood and sticking each other with needles, but what's really important is that from the very first scene I was once again completely immersed in the beautifully creepy world that is the lavishly diseased brain of a member of the Cronenberg clan, in a way I haven't felt like since the first time I saw Videodrome. David Cronenberg may have officially left the world of all that is good and slimy in the late '90s, but I guess that is why people feel a need to procreate, because while Antiviral is undoubtedly an entirely original creation, one which I'm sure will only gather more and more recognition as more and more viewers are exposed to it, Brandon is still very much his father's son, with all the weird and crazy shit that sort of thing tends to entail. He also seems like a really cool guy, someone I definitely wouldn't mind sharing a mugwump with, and I kinda wanted to shake his hand after the Q&A session, but that would have been kinda weird, because he's about my age, and I usually like my celebrity male crushes to be old enough to be my dad. The young Cronenberg said that he is planning to keep making movies until he runs out of Canadian government money, and if he keeps making them this good, I expect nothing less of him.

Fine, make it 600gr of Sarah Gadon. But you better make it boob meat, because I'm feeling pretty lonely tonight.

And today I saw Dredd 3D, which has some pretty cool gore and violence and not much more than that. Also, the 3D was garbage. The movie was supposedly shot on 3D, but it has so many awful converted shots (including every single close-up) that I found it completely unwatchable. Not even the lovely Olivia Thirlby could save this one, as her only job here was to have yellow hair and deliver awful, generic dialogue. What a complete waste of my time.

Role of Junk DNA Finally Revealed!

Apparently it is used to make human beings. The purpose of other DNA sequences still remains unknown.