This One is a Lot Like the One From Three Weeks Ago

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part XVII

Naming names is always a big mistake. See edition XV for more information, if you must.

Three weeks have gone by, and she's still just as amazing. And the jeans shorts and exposed navel didn't hurt either.

As seen in PGISLN XI, only this time she was there just to listen to music, rather than play it.

This one is mostly known for being cute, being able to dress herself and having been born into money.  She also used to be married to some allegedly funny guy who hasn't been even remotely entertaining in over a decade.

I'd Definitely Occupy That

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part XVI

Last night I saw a one-woman play originally co-edited by Alan Rickman about how lame this country is. Sounds depressing? Wait until you get to see this attractive young lady wearing nothing but her bra and panties!

I can't even begin to describe how turned on I get by cellulite on hot women.

The only thing that bothered me about the show was how the only person who kept laughing inappropriately in the audience was this terrible old actress who sat in the row in front of me and is also the wife of the creepy old pervert who runs the monodrama festival. Terrible people are terrible.


Bonus: a grainy, high contrast black and white picture of a great big puppy, taken right outside the theater!

Haiku of the Day: Found, The Single Most Perfect Human Female on FSM's Green Earth

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part XV

Yael Birenbaum
I want to have your babies
By which I mean cats

Perfection incarnate.

So yeah, Jack in the Box are an amazing band and I want Yael Birenbaum to impregnate me with her sweet-scented womanly seed, so that I may give birth to our happy litter of fuzzy little kittens through my belly button.

There is No God: The Ultimate Proof

or: Pretty Girls I Saw This Week, Part XIV

Just before the main discussion panel at the atheist convention in Tel-Aviv had started, two stage men were setting up two tables on the stage. I was sitting in the second row, in front of the right side table. "If this totally hot member of the party I'm going to vote for in the coming elections sits by the right side table," I said to myself, "then the concept of an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent deity may not be so stupid after all. However, if she sits by the left side table, it definitely is." Once the break was over, this political cutie sat down at the left side table. You may now draw your own conclusions.

Although, I suppose if Meretz gets six or more seats on the 22nd I might be persuaded to change my mind.

Update: OK, so Meretz got exactly six seats, but I still think it's a bit silly to worship someone who insists on watching me masturbate every day.

Some People Just Don't Know How to Age, Part II

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Week, Part XIII

Also last week, I went to see the Japanese-Israeli co-production of The Trojan Women at the Cameri theater, directed by Yukio Ninagawa and performed in Japanese, Hebrew and Arabic, and I've enjoyed it immensely. Reading the Hebrew subtitles, which were positioned at both sides of the stage, gave my neck a bit of a workout (we were sitting in the middle of the second row), but it was certainly worth the effort. Once again, the one thing I found profoundly annoying was how 44-year-old Japanese actress Yōka Wao, who played Helen of Troy, looked like she was in her late twenties at the most. Shame on her, for making me peek lustily at the panties of a woman in her mid-forties.

In case you were wondering, they were white.

See also: the first two actresses in the very first Pretty Ladies IRL post who were also featured in this play.

Shto?

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Week, Part XII

Being the only person in the room who doesn't speak a word of Russian has sure got its benefits. For example, if someone were to make fun of the creepy loner who came to see the Saint Petersburg-based band all by himself, it wouldn't bother you in the slightest.

And she's even prettier when she's running a 38C fever!

Smack is Whack

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Nine Days Ago, Part XI

Street parties can be pretty fun when the music is both live and cool. Also, it might be worth mentioning that I haven't experienced this much human contact in years, which I guess was sort of nice. foreveralone.jpg

Scary is the new pretty

Yeah, that's me right in front of her. You have that weird dress to thank for hiding all the ugly.

Last Night at the Fleischerei Show

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part X

She may not be this chick, but she's still very very pretty and she did a fine job last night as the band's new singer. Congratulation young lady, you now have the Coleslaw Seal of Approval. Keep up the good work!

Also, nice tummy!

Bonus haiku:

Old guy at the club
If you're gonna clap your hands
Please keep to the beat.

Last Night at the Club Above the Record Store

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part IX

As usual, no names will be named, in order to protect the innocent (that would be me).

Now close your eyes and pretend you're shaking salt onto your tongue!

Ooh, what a classy broad.

These are both obviously very pretty ladies, and yet the most amazing experience I've had that night took place after the show, as I was waiting for the bus home. Out of absolutely nowhere came this unimaginably gorgeous young woman and smiled at me! She had long raven black hair, pale skin, red lips, a sharp nose and large dark eyes, and she wore a little black dress. She was basically Morticia Addams, only younger and prettier and much, much sexier. Oh how I wish I could draw her, but my artistic abilities could never do her utter loveliness any justice. When I took my earphones out, she asked me something about the bus in a faint Russian accent, and when I told her that during the summer night buses operate during weekdays as well as the weekend she seemed positively delighted. She then asked me for a cigarette. Never in my entire life had I wanted to be a smoker more. Alas, I find smoking to be grossly icky. After procuring a cancer stick elsewhere, she sat down on the bus bench I was sitting on and just smoked quietly and waited patiently for the bus. At one time during the 30 minute wait she reached with her finger (displaying an attractive shade of blue nail polish) and tapped my arm. I repeat: her finger, on my arm. That's right. She then asked me if I was absolutely sure that the night bus was coming, and discussed the frequency of night buses a little further. When the bus finally got there we both got on, and when it reached my destination I got off it one stop further than my usual stop, just so I could stare at her just a little while longer. The End. Nothing happened, as expected, but yeah, it was easily the most successful verbal interaction I've had with a female human I was attracted to in over eight years (longer than that if you don't count women who were paid to talk to me). Success!


Bonus haiku:

Hot girl at bus stop
I never got to tell you
How much I love you

I am Officially a Dirty Old Man

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part VIII

Last night I went to this little fringe play with the sole purpose of ogling this attractive young actress. Mission: accomplished.

Lovely little boobies, great shiny teeth and the most adorable face one could expect to find on a female human. It does not get much better than this.

Bonus haiku:

Touched peepee again
How could anyone blame me?
She was amazing!

I Couldn't Stop Thinking About Firecrotches the Entire Time

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part VII

This lovely and extremely talented actress grew up in the same town I grew up in, and she's only three years younger than I am, so there's a pretty good chance that she and I have never met when we were kids. Enjoy!

Is that her natural hair color? I DON'T CARE. It's amazing either way.

Bonus haiku:

From second row seat

Saw redhead in underwear

Touched my own peepee

And no one was any the wiser. I'm sneaky that way.

Last Night in the Deep South

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part VI

Last night I saw an Israeli-American co-production of Parade, and it was really great and everything despite the occasional technical hiccup, but yeah, it's time for another edition of Pretty Ladies IRL. As usual, no names will be named, since Google isn't too kind to creepy little creeps such as my stupid little self. Enjoy!

The complete package! A gorgeous face, lovely freckled skin, a great singing voice, and if you don't mind my creeping, very lickable-looking armpits!

This one isn't exactly the brightest pickle in the jar, to say the least. I think I've read somewhere that she's been getting sort of religious lately. Case and point. She's still sort of cute though, if you're into chicks who look like 8 year old girls with boobs.

My biggest problem with the production? Since it was the very first premiere show, the director has instructed the performers not to come out again after the ending, which kinda sucked. I totally dig it when pretty girls bow in front of me. Especially if they're wearing low-cut tops.

Last Night at the Theater (but not on stage)

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part V

Last night I went to this fringe theater play, and it was really good and I totally want to see more of that group, but what really caught my eye was this one chick who sat in my row. I couldn't remember her name, but I did know that I saw her on TV a couple of times a few years ago, that she had a boy's first name, that she was ridiculously younger than me and that she was so, so annoyingly gorgeous, as you can now clearly see. Enjoy!

Oh how I wish I were creepy enough not to allow her to squeeze past me without getting some clothes-on-clothes action

(see pretty ladies IRL label for more)

I believe you missed a spot there, ma'am

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part IV


Earth Hour 2012, local edition. I had to wait through almost an hour of awfulness for less than 30 minutes of awesomeness, but I totally got what I came for.

I didn't really care for this little chicky's music, but I still think she's pretty adorable.

Still, the Best Looking Broad of the Night award goes to this lovely young lady, who danced so prettily on stage that I didn't even mind the unsightly hair.

Update, later that day:

Holy crap, a smoking hot blonde (she was blonde tonight) AND she can sing like a father flipper!

(see pretty ladies IRL label for more)

Redheads are the Reason the Good Lawrd Created the Color Orange

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part III

You know the drill.

All that AND a spectacular rear end!

(see pretty ladies IRL label for more)

Last Night at the Theatre

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part II

This week I have once again acted like a total sir and went to see two plays at the Habima Theatre, both of which are German-Israeli projects involving Israeli, Palestinian and German actors. Now, don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed both plays tremendously, and if I had anyone to recommend them to I most definitely would have, but since I don't really know anything about the fine art of theatre, I think I better stick to what I know best, which is of course ogling pretty ladies like a disgusting, filthy pervert. Please note that while it may seem like I'm talking about these talented actresses as if they were pieces of succulent tofu-based meat substitute, they are all in fact extremely gifted young women whom I have the utmost respect for. As usual, no names will be mentioned, because of Google.

Adorable German chicks are adorable, especially when they're trying to handle questions from the audience during the post-show Q&A session.

Everybody loves hot lesbian chicks, and when this Israeli actress took her top off on stage there wasn't a dry crotch in the house.

This German-Iranian cutie stripped down to her bra and panties, climbed on top of a chair and gave a fiery political speech that moved me to the core of my peepee stick.

Finally, here's an interesting question for you: when a man masturbates while thinking about a gay woman (and I do mean gay, like someone who would never bang a dude in a million years, not just one who fingers other chicks on camera for cash), does that necessarily mean that he's into rape fantasy? Because if it does, then I am such a worse person than I ever thought I was.

(see pretty ladies IRL label for more)

Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night

Last night I acted like a total sir and went to see a Hanoch Levin play at the Cameri Theater, where I had the pleasure of staring creepily right at these three lovely actresses. Note: none of them will be mentioned here by name, because of, you know, Google.

This young lady played some sort of hot chick, and I'm guessing it wasn't much of a stretch for her.

This pretty lady played a rather filthy hooker, a look that simply wasn't very becoming of her, but in her natural state she is in fact absolutely lovely. Of course, I already knew that, since I did see her that one time at this really good hummus place in Tel-Aviv three years ago (I believe she had a salad and some tahini eggplant, unless that's a total lie).

This prime example of a gorgeous human female wasn't actually in the play, but she did sit next to us in the theater, and when the coat she was holding accidentally pressed against my arm it was easily one of the top five sexual experiences of my entire life.

Bonus competition: Guess which one of these lovely ladies was lucky enough to be my fappee this morning, and you too could be on my mind the next time I abuse myself, providing you have a vagina (or a small enough penis).

(see pretty ladies IRL label for more)