Thursday, November 15, 2012

People are Awful: The OkCupid Experiment

The Experiment:
Two weeks ago, disappointed by humanity yet again, I've decided to try and compose the most awful, cheesy and boring dating profile known to man. It had to be believable, so it couldn't be all bad, but it was pretty damn close. There wasn't a single original idea in the entire profile. It was basically one excruciatingly typical cliché. I then proceeded to answer over 200 matching questions (this is how OkCupid matches potential partners) in the most douchey way possible. Finally, I added a single profile photo, one that I found by googling 'white guy with sunglasses'. The person in the photograph was wearing large, pink-rimmed sunglasses (during what appeared to be nighttime, no less), so one couldn't really tell what he looked like. I am not going to translate the profile, because most of the awfulness would be lost in translation, but those of you who read Hebrew might get a kick out of it.

The Results:
Well, they certainly weren't very surprising, assuming one is at all familiar with the human species. Within 10 short days, and without contacting any other OkCupid member, the fake profile had received over 70 visits from eligible women and six personal messages, numbers which my real profile took over 6 month to accumulate.

People are awful and they only like other people who are just as awful as they are, we are all doomed and I definitely don't want to live on this planet anymore. So long, and thanks for all the vegan burgers.

In other news: so the recent war (oh, I'm sorry, 'military operation') got here this afternoon, which included sirens all over the Tel-Aviv area and two loud bangs. If this should be the last post I ever make, you'll be able thank our Fearless Leader for it.

Update, November 17: the fake profile just got the 'you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid' email. FML.

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