How about a nice refreshing skull of beer?

Today I went to see Drive Angry, and it was easily the most fun anyone could possibly have while watching Nick Cage being all tough in a silly wig, which is quite a bit of fun indeed! Seriously, Drive Angry has literally everything you could possibly ask for in a 3D cheesy horror/action movie. It's got Nick Cage playing some sort of badass who comes back from hell in order to save some baby or something from being sacrificed by this bunch of emo cult douches who think they're devil worshipers, it's got some really nice and mostly practical gore, it's got a generous amount of that gratuitous, unnecessary nudity I'm so very fond of, it's got some fairly cool 3D moments (in *real* 3D, mind you) and above all, it features one of the hottest pieces of ass this side of the galaxy, the anatomical miracle known in this part of the Milky Way as the luscious Amber Heard! She may not show any real boobage in Drive Angry, but even with her clothes on she is just pure, unadulterated sex. Just imagine watching her driving a car in shorts while singing Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches to the radio. Pure. Fucking. Bliss. And I don't know why so many people seem to dislike Mr. Cage. Have you ever taken part in a huge gun fight while still having sex with a blonde waitress with plastic boobs and won it? Nick Cage has, and he didn't even have to take his clothes off! Drive Angry is good, sleazy 3D fun, and had I any friends I would have definitely recommended it to them all. Only one thing bothered me about it: you do not show a mean satanist with a huge, fake looking curly wig if you're not going to blow the top of his head off. You just don't do that. It's not cool. One can only hope that the satanist's squishy brains will be featured in the unrated version, or this would have been a complete waste of a perfectly silly wig.

I'm still waiting for The Informers 2: Return of the Ambers

And you know what was the best part about going do see Drive Angry? I got to see the trailer for the upcoming 3D documentary about Justin Bieber, in glorious 3D! Man, is she smoking hot or what! I totally dig that very mild tomboy look she's got going for herself. As soon as she turns 18, I'm going to be right there in front of the internet with my pants around my ankles and my throbbing bieber clutched firmly in my hand.