Saturday, September 24, 2011

Saving the planet, one dead teenager at a time

This week I went to see Final Destination 5 in 3D, and as expected, it was totally freaking awesome! I got exactly what I came for, that is, more or less attractive teenagers getting offed in hilariously gruesome and highly improbably ways, and so much more. And the 3D was just fantastic, with some of the most spectacular opening credits I've seen recently and plenty of deliciously eye-popping popping eyes, among other severed body parts. And I'm pretty sure that by bringing in an old pair of 3D glasses from a previous movie (the one I didn't use to make my 2D glasses) instead of taking a new pair I singlehandedly saved our planet's fragile environment, so yeah, you're welcome earthlings. And there was even a Terry Poison song in the background during one scene at the restaurant! Terry Poison!!! Also, I've never seriously considered going through laser eye surgery, mostly because having perfect vision at all times would just freak me out, but somehow this movie made me like the idea even less. Also, acupuncture. And most types of physical activities. Besides, everybody knows that chicks with glasses are totally hot, and any woman vain enough to go through surgery just to get rid of her glasses should be declared legally brain dead. Finally, while The Walking Dead's Emma Bell is very very pretty and totally adorable, and while it is my understanding that Jacqueline MacInnes Wood is technically hot, for today's boobie picture I've chosen Final Destination 3's Chelan Simmons, partly because she's mentioned in the Wikipedia article about the new movie, but mostly because of her unbelievably hot nude scene in that tanning bed two sequels ago, a scene so breathtaking it shall be etched onto the inside of my skull until the end of time.

I really need to watch Final Destination 3 again. Not only did it have Chelan Simmons' rocking boobs, it also had Gina Holden AND Ramona Flowers!!!

If Final Destination 5 is the last movie you'll want to see before getting laser eye surgery, Inside is probably the last movie you'll want to watch when you're expecting a first child, or possibly a first niece. If the people on the other side of the living room wall didn't think I was some sort of serial rapist they definitely do now, especially after having to listen to the muffled sounds of a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic marathon, followed by an hour and a half of a French pregnant chick being tortured to death.

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