Saturday, October 1, 2011

Under-the-Bridge Weddings are so Romantic!

Last night I watched Bridesmaids, because that's that kind of movie I like to watch when I'm heavily drunk at one in the morning, and I guess it was sort of entertaining, but parts of it were just too painful to watch, mainly because Maya Rudolph is so unnaturally unattractive that I literally had to avert my eyes from the screen whenever that face of hers appeared on it. Sometimes HD just isn't worth the risk. Seriously, why does she keep getting work?! You know, just because a person is hideously fugly it doesn't necessarily make them funny. And Black-Jewish couples usually have pretty nice looking kids, so what the hell went wrong here? I still can't believe that she had sex with Paul Thomas Anderson on at least three separate occasions. Didn't he used to like stick it to Fiona Apple? How do you go from such a gorgeous piece of ass to such an unfortunate train wreck? Oh well. At least I got to see the lovely Ellie Kemper play some sort of tragically white chick, even though she was seriously underused. I guess it's time to look up her old blowjob video on youtube again!

Maya Rudolph in Bridesmaids, showing off her fabulous engagement ring!
Update: Well, I guess I'm retarded. The answer was right in front of me the entire time! As in most cases of unattractive, untalented people who are able to maintain successful careers in show business, Ms. Rudolph is probably just really really good at giving head. Personally, I would much rather choke my pathetic little chicken by myself for the rest of my life than let Salacious B. Crumb have its way with it.

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