Friday, November 11, 2011

How virginal does a virgin oracle have to be?

I mean, obviously, she has to be a vagina-virgin. But what about her butt virginity? Is there anything in Greek mythology about virgin oracles who had butt sex? And what about mouth virginity? Is there any evidence of virgin oracles who lost their fortunetelling superpowers after going down on a dude? And handjobs? Are they enough to turn a virgin oracle into an ordinary future-blind little Miss Slutty Vanderslut? And what about virgin oracles who prefer chicks? And why don't you ever hear about male virgin oracles? And where exactly can one apply to get virgin oracle status? These questions and more had passed through my mind yesterday as I was trying to watch Tarsem Singh's latest film, Immortals, but failed to get a clear view of it because the 3D made it so dark I couldn't really make much of the details (it was a Dolby 3D screening at the Rav-Hen Dizengoff). From what I was able to see I could tell that the story wasn't very interesting (as required in the genre), the acting was awful (another requirement), the action wasn't that bad (why else would anyone want to see a sword-and-sandal movie?) and the visuals were pretty interesting (why else would anyone want to see a Tarsem Singh movie?). I really liked the fight scenes that involved gods (you can tell they're gods by the way they're dressed like flaming homosexuals - yeah, even the one chick-god) and I don't believe I've ever seen a minotaur castrating a dude with a really big hammer before, but most of the film was pretty much a pain to watch. I guess the fake 3D wasn't completely horrible, but having seen the trailer in 2D in the past, and how nice and bright it looked, I really would have preferred to see the whole movie that way, and maybe then I would have been able to enjoy it.

Oh, and there's some Australian blonde in it too, but unless I get to see her perform unspeakable acts on this horse here, I don't really give a crap.

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