Tuesday, November 8, 2011

As pointless as a man with red hair

This week I went to see The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, and even though it was kinda fun and the visuals were pretty great and some of the action sequences were really cool and Andy Serkis was AMAZING (as usual) as a big-nosed captain, unfortunately Tintin is the world's greatest non-character, the story wasn't that interesting, the 3D was sort of lame and I still don't get the point of making a Tintin movie in motion capture animation. The way I see it, if you have access to that kind of technology, the first thing you do is make a movie that takes place in an exotic, far away place like Mars or Alpha Centauri or Pandora, and then populate it with all sorts of dragon-like creatures and hordes upon hordes of smoking hot alien chicks with silky green skin and gorgeous faces and fuzzy, wiggly antennas and boobs so pointy they can slice a tongue in half. Instead of going the logical way, for some reason The Adventures of Tintin is about a bunch of dudes doing stuff in a boat, and then some more stuff in some sort of sand country. No aliens, no dragons, no boobs. I mean, I know Hergé was kind of a dick when it came to women, but come on! And that wasn't even the most troubling part of the movie: could someone please explain to me what a bestiality joke is doing in a Tintin movie?! Personally, I would absolutely love to see more English-speaking animated films aimed at adults, but in a movie that goes out of its ways to be kid-friendly, a line about sheep fucking just felt completely out of place. The Adventures of Tintin was enjoyable enough to watch, but the whole thing felt like such a tragic waste of time, money, talent and technology that I don't know if I can trust Steven Spielberg anymore. I think his next movie is about a Nazi-killing horse or something, so maybe that would be kind of cool. Maybe.

And since there aren't any hot chicks in The Adventures of Tintin, here is a photo of the lovely Alexandra Breckenridge, who does an incredible job playing the sexy young version of Frances Conroy in American Horror Story! 

In other news: I finally got to watch A Serbian Film, and to be perfectly honest I thought that the infant porn scene actually made a lot of sense. I mean, think about it: why should an infant's first encounter with adult genitalia be exclusive to vaginas? Right? Think about it. I dare you.

No comments:

Post a Comment