Sunday, December 5, 2010

Not quite as scary as 23 shots in the stomach

A few days ago I went to see Kalevet (rabies), known in this particular part of the world as the first Israeli horror movie, even though it's like the third or something, and I was pleasantly surprised to find a film that is actually fun to watch and not too dumb or embarrassing. The plot is simple enough: a bunch of attractive people run around a forest and kill each other one by one. There's also some stuff about incest and jealousy and police brutality, but mostly it's about character interactions and the resulting deaths. Not that you get to actually see much gore-wise, except two severed fingers and a guy who makes a silly face to simulate a broken jaw. One could argue that the fact that most of the violence is executed off screen is due to the ridiculously low budget, but in my opinion if a horror director says that they didn't have the budget to do something, what they actually mean is that they weren't inventive enough to pull it off with the money they had. They even got the fake blood from overseas, when I'm pretty sure you can make perfectly reasonable fake blood out of corn syrup and food coloring! That's just lazy. What turns Kalevet from a silly little attempt at genre filmmaking into something truly worthwhile are two of the sexiest scenes in the history of Israeli cinema, both starring a lovely young actress by the name of Yael Grobglas. One features Ms. Grobglas squatting gracefully on the ground and peeing, while in the other she gets sort of finger-raped by a police officer during a rather thorough frisk search. Once again you don't really get to see much, but the expression on her face is absolutely priceless. Really good stuff. Kalevet has way too many celebrity actors for its own good and very little structure, but it looks kind of nice and is pretty entertaining in its own way, and at this point in time it's not like one can ask much more than that of an Israeli production. Now if only I could stop thinking about what color panties little Ms. Grobglas is wearing at the moment for more than two minutes maybe I could actually get some sleep!

Welcome to the digital age, Yael Grobglas!

Bonus haiku:

I like horror flicks
They show people's inside parts
And sometimes boobs too

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