John Carter of Mehs

Today I went to see John Carter, and it just wasn't very good. It was way too cheesy for its own good, I didn't care at all about any of the characters, the creature design wasn't very interesting (all the green dudes looked pretty much the same to me), Mars was all brown and dusty and depressing and the whole thing just felt more like a Disney cartoon circa 2000 ("funny" dog sidekick included) than a real movie. And while the fake 3D wasn't completely awful, there were still plenty of mistakes to distract me from the rest of the awfulness (it's a good thing I remembered to bring a pair of 2D glasses from home, which was very helpful during most of the Earth scenes). If you enjoy weird alien names and you like your movies to have more corn in them than a Romanian peasant's belly, John Carter is definitely the right choice for you. Otherwise, just watch Avatar again, where at least some of the freaky native life forms were hot.

Lynn Collins, Y U NO show your boobs more during your short time on True Blood???

You know what's weird though? Before the movie they showed a trailer for The Avengers, and I'll be darned if the fake 3D didn't look great! I am officially confused, and I'm going to have to think long and hard about it. Hopefully when the movie comes out in May everything will be cleared up.