Run for Your Lives! It's a Facebook Monster!

I'm not sure I get the whole timeline thing, but I definitely like the cover I drew today. Anyone wants to name the beast?

Minor Physical Imperfection Haikus

Carey Mulligan:
Large mole next to left nipple,
How unfortunate.

Ms. Mulligan was so much prettier with long hair in that Doctor Who episode

Cutie Caity Lotz:
Purple birthmark on right arm,
Huge boner killer.

Other than that, Ms. Lotz is basically perfect. Also: it's good to know that she knows her place. In related news: Death Valley is totally fucking awesome

Camgirl Sandra Smit:
Right boob bigger than the left,
I still love her though.

How to Become the World's Biggest, Meanest Badass

Step 1: Purchase a ticket for a regular movie.
Step 2: Bring your own pair of 3D glasses from home.
Step 3: Sneak into a 3D movie.
Step 4: Freak out throughout the entire screening over your chances of getting caught by an usher.
Step 5: Success!

(Warning: this may also turn you into an ailurophile pirate)

You'll Believe a Shark Can Fly

Last night I went to see Shark Night 3D, and I guess it was okay. For the price of admission you get to see a multiracial group of attractive young people (and the geek from Avatar) wearing very little clothing and getting attacked by various CG sharks, one rubber hammerhead and two rednecks, and if that's all you expect from a movie, then you're in luck. However, if it's a decent story, compelling characters or believable acting that you're after, you better look elsewhere. The PG-13 rating means that gore is kept to a minimum (including one of the most awful 'missing hand' practical effects I've ever seen) and nudity is limited to just a little sideboob, but the girls do run around in skimpy little bikinis most of the time, which is really nice. What's the deal with Sara Paxton though? She's obviously a very beautiful young woman with a totally cute face, really nice boobs and a perfect little ass, so the reason why she has the sex appeal of a damp turnip is completely beyond me. On the technical side, while during some scenes in the movie the 3D effect is virtually nonexistent, the action scenes look really good, and the underwater shots are pretty incredible. Shark Night 3D is no Jaws 3D, it's not even Piranha 3D (although the 3D is obviously superior), but if you enjoy looking at cute girls in bikinis and fake looking CG man-eating fish, I can think of much worse ways to spend an hour and a half.

Sara Paxton is as cute as a button, and also as sexy as one

Bonus haiku #1:

Last night in a dream
A pretty girl touched my hand
It was amazing

Bonus haiku #2:

Oh Katy Perry
I'm so in love with your boobs
Russell Brand sucks balls

Apparently it's Ancient Japanese for Totally Fucking Awesome

Yesterday I went to see Bunraku, and despite the fact that there were more Israeli guys involved in its production than there are in most local films, it was actually pretty great! Directed by Israeli Guy Moshe, Bunraku is a film-noir/western/samurai story set in a futuristic world where guns have been outlawed, everything looks like it's made of construction paper and it's perfectly acceptable to call Japanese people 'orientals'. Josh Hartnett is an exquisitely beautiful man with really creepy facial hair, Woody Harrelson is a bartender who serves overpriced whiskey to unsuspecting customers, Gackt Camui is some sort of hermaphrodite, Kevin McKidd is a badass Scottish dude, Demi Moore is a hooker with a heart of coal and Ron Perlman is just about the coolest guy on the face of the planet. The story is a little too complicated for its own good and I'm not sure I fully understood it all, but in a movie that is basically a two hour long visual mind fuck, I don't think it matters that much. It's like a martial arts movie, an arthouse film, a video game and a comic book all ganged up on a Broadway musical and had a bastard lovechild that doesn't look like anything I've ever seen before. There is absolutely nothing realistic about the movie, not the acting, not the sets and not the special effects, but that's just part of the magical weirdness that is Bunraku, an experience that completely took me by surprise. I don't know who this Guy Moshe character is and who was crazy enough to give him the money to make this movie, but Bunraku is easily one of the coolest things I've seen in the last couple of years, and I expect great things from him in the future.

It's nice to see that Demi Moore has managed to lose that disgusting beer belly since the early '90s. Other than that, she looks pretty much the same

Bonus haiku:

In my opinion
That mole on Josh Hartnett's throat
Needs to get looked at

A Short While Ago, in a City Far, Far Away

This is what the escalators leading to the Tel-Aviv municipality building look like these days:

The artwork was created by graffiti artist Dover D last weekend, and you have to admit it's pretty awesome. They don't really allow cameras into the building, so I guess that makes me some sort of hardcore badass rebel or something. Right now I'm just kicking myself as hard as I can while wearing slippers for not having the brains to actually ride the escalators when I had the chance, because it looked like so much fun! Hopefully the design will still be there next time I have to get frozen vegan burgers at the organic supermarket next door.

Haiku of the Day: Thank Gawd for Redheads

Leaked naked photos always taste sweeter!

So many vile things
Passing through Lindsay Lohan
Why not my semen?