Sunday, February 28, 2010

Lumpensammler and damn proud of it

A couple of days ago I happened to find this adorable meter high wooden bear on the sidewalk, after someone must have stupidly thrown it away. I cleaned it, polished it and scraped all the ugly, flaking white paint off the base, and now it's better than ever! I can't believe I was allowed to bring it into the apartment and I still have my worries about that, but as long as it's here I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can. I can't even look at it without giggling like a Japanese schoolgirl with a tentacle up her snatch!



In other news: last week I watched Big Man Japan, and I really liked it. It's set in a world where Japan is being protected against giant monsters by a race of Big Japanese Men, who can turn huge in combat but live otherwise perfectly normal lives. The monsters in this movie are just awesome beyond words, but I guess I'm just not really into the whole fake documentary thing. The last ten minutes are completely hilarious and have to be seen to be believed, even though I can't say I understood any of what was going on. Something about grown men in funny costumes running around a miniature set of Tokyo and beating the crap out of some dude in a devil costume. Cool beans.

Anybody wanna see my one-eyed crotch-snake?

Also, I've recently finished watching Hyperdrive, a British sci-fi sitcom from a couple of years ago, and I guess it was reasonably funny, if a tad too British for my taste. The chubby dude from Spaced is pretty damn adorable, but I'm not sure if being adorable is the right base for being funny. Really cool alien makeup designs though, throughout both seasons. Too bad there wasn't more of that. That, and cyborg sex. You can never have too much cyborg horniness in a sci-fi comedy.

Cyborgs are sexy!

Last month they had a bunch of TV shows you could watch for free on VOD, so I watched the first two seasons of Mad Men in ten days. I guess it's an OK show, though it sure could have used some more 30 ft lizard monsters and killer robots and crazy space aliens from outer space, not to mention some naked boobs. Christina Hendricks is absolutely gorgeous, but if her breasts were any larger she'd, um, have really really big boobs. Which would be sort of awesome, I guess.

Christina Hendricks' boobs. In the background: Christina Hendricks

They had the first season of Nurse Jackie for free too, so I watched it as well. The biggest problem with the show in my opinion is that Edie Falco looks like a dude, and not a particularly attractive one at that, so the idea of her being able to attract three different hunky males simultaneously seems a little far-fetched. At the same time, I was delighted to be reintroduced to the adorable Merritt Wever, who played the confused pharmacy chick in Signs. I totally want her to be my new girlfriend. She's exactly the sort of woman you want to be sticking it to while thinking about other, much hotter chicks.


I saw this previously perfectly attractive young actress at the organic supermarket last week, and for some reason she had some kind of baby strapped onto her chest, and her hair was a mess. I'm sorry, but chicks who allow themselves to get knocked up are retarded. They should just go adopt a puppy or something. At least dogs don't grow up and start talking back.

Riki Blich in better days

Finally, I went to see Avatar today for the fifth time, and I still enjoyed it very much. It's funny how the worst display of acting in the whole movie comes from none other than Sigourney Weaver. Giovanni Ribisi, on the other hand, is surprisingly good, and is completely believable as a corporate dick, thick musky pubes included. Sam Worthington does a pretty good job too, especially when he's using his avatar, though it pains me to think that in real life whenever he opens his mouth he sounds like Crocodile Dundee. The best performance is easily Zoe Saldana's Neytiri. Ah, Neytiri. Now there's a Na'vi I would love to see into. I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but when Neytiri laughs, my heart laughs. And when Neytiri cries, my heart cries. And when Neytiri smiles... oh, when she smile. When Neytiri smiles I just wanna crawl up that giant blue vagina of hers and curl up in there until the day I die. Lovely.

A woman standing next to a giant blue vagina

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