Today I watched P2, a horror thriller made by the people who did Haute Tension and the Hills Have Eyes remake and starring luscious Orion slave girl Rachel Nichols, some creepy douche and an adorable little rottweiler, and I really liked it. In this heartwarming holiday tale Rachel Nichols plays this smokin' hot office chick who has recently been molested in an elevator by a drunken coworker during an office Christmas party. She's a pretty cool little lady, which you can tell by how quickly she accepts handsy elevator dude's apology, but I guess she's also supposed to be someone who's all serious and hard working, because on Christmas Eve she's the last person to leave the office building where she works. Unfortunately, when she gets to her car on the second parking level it simply wouldn't start, no matter how hard the creepy night guard tries to make it work. She calls in a cab, but when it finally arrives and wakes her up from a long, cute nap she realizes that the front door of the building is locked. That means she has to go back down and ask the creepy night guard to let her out, only when she gets there all the lights start to go out, and we all know what happens to cute chicks in dark empty underground parking lots. The next thing she knows, she wakes up wearing a delightfully low-cut evening dress, seated across the table from none other than Santa Claus himself! No, wait, it's just the creepy night guard again, who simply couldn't be happier about having her as a guest at this intimate Christmas dinner for two in his office. Oh, and her foot is chained to the table. She tries to tell him that she has other obligations for the evening, but he just says something about how some promises were made to be broken (which, as we learn later on, is also true for fingernails) and so she's forced to spend the rest of the movie trying to get the hell away from her friendly homicidal stalker, to my great and deep pleasure. When this movie first came out here I had decided not to go see it, which I guess proves just how dumb I can be sometimes, because P2 is now officially my new porn! I've been totally into Rachel Nichols ever since I first saw her in Alias, and seeing her running around here in that sexy dress, showing the sort of cleavage you just want to dive into and never ever get out, getting all messy and bloody and wet, has made me happier than a pedo at a public swimming pool on summer break. She may not be the world's greatest actress, but she's got such a lovely face, and her skin is simply exquisite all over, and for some reason unlike most hot chicks she doesn't look at all like a terrible person. Also, killer boobs. My only disappointment with her performance was that even when her white dress got completely wet, it never turned even a little tiny bit see through, at least not where it counts. Oh well. There isn't a whole lot of gore in this movie, but what we do get here is pretty damn awesome and looks completely realistic, maybe even a little too much so in this one scene that is clearly not meant for us dog lovers, unless you're one of those dog lovers who love dogs in the way that meat lovers love meat. And it really is true what they say about how women who try to drive are totally adorable, but what they never tell you is that when they're cuffed and their hands are all slippery with blood their driving somehow gets even more hilarious. Cute! Forever will I be kicking myself for not going to see P2 three years ago, and so I guess the lesson here is that whenever a horror movie is shown here, no matter how lame I think it may be, I should probably go see it anyway, because horror movies are like pizza, which I've heard is sort of like sex. When they're good they're great, and when they're bad they're still pretty damn good.
Rachel Nichols looks pretty good even when she's not green
Yesterday I got the first action figure I've ever ordered online, and it's an adorable Ood, as seen on Doctor Who! Hopefully it will be the first of many, as Base have this really cool buy one get one free sale on a selection of toys. As a common cheap dirty Jew I simply adore the concept of 'buy one get one free'. It's right up there with 'up to 80% off' and 'free 3D glasses included'!
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