Thursday, March 3, 2011

Hello Kittyfish!

Last night I watched Catfish, a documentary about this annoying photographer dude called Yaniv Schulman who meets this chick online and how nothing is as it seems, and it was easily one of the most incredible and heartbreaking documentaries I have ever seen, and yes, despite what some people may say, I totally believe it's completely real. I won't go into too much detail, because that would sort of ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, but I do have three important things to say about it:

1. Webcams. Every laptop has one these days, most cellphones have video chat capabilities, and even if you don't have one of those, simple USB webcams are available everywhere and are dirt cheap. You just hook them up to your computer, and BAM, you know exactly who you're talking to online, even if they live on the other side of the planet, no problem. And you know what's the best part about webcams? If you can make a chick take her top off on cam, it's bound to make you feel like a god for at least a couple of hours.

2. The person behind the person. In my opinion, the real person behind the person turns out to be a real sweetheart. She's creative and talented, she's warm and kind and sensitive, and if I was age appropriate and if she was available, I'd totally go for it. Creepiness doesn't scare me one bit. Unlike bitchiness, of which she seems to have very little.

3. Yaniv Schulman, aka the dude who gets involved with the mysterious internet chick, is probably the biggest douchebag in the known universe, and he's got the ridiculous ass antlers to prove it. And even if he didn't have a tramp stamp, he'd still be a pretty huge douche who never deserved her in the first place. Fuck you Mr. Schulman, fuck you and your stupid, cocky smile.

And you know who else is a total douche? Anyone who divides what they're trying to say into three parts. Fuck those people too. Fuck them up their stupid, hairy asses. Now go watch Catfish. It'll change the way you look at internet creeps forever and ever.

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