Thursday, April 19, 2012

Daddy Issues in Outer Space

This week I went to see Lockout, a Luc Besson produced sci-fi-ish thriller about an amnesiac cop who has to save the president's daughter from a maximum security prison in outer space, and it was kinda dumb, but also sort of fun. Sure, the movie is chock full of genre clich├ęs, the plot doesn't make any kind of real sense and Guy Pearce and Maggie Grace (of Lost fame) do an awful job playing the two main characters (he's about as funny as a Holocaust documentary and she's extremely pretty but about as sexy as a yellow haired doorknob, though she does get considerably hotter after her prison makeover) but Joseph Gilgun is just as awesome as he was on Misfits (he would've looked just as crazy and menacing even without all those scars and tattoos) and the special effects are pretty good and I never got too bored watching it, so I guess I'm not too angry with Mr. Besson. The worst thing about the movie? Guy Pearce is 16 years older than Maggie Grace, which means he probably started having sex before she was even conceived, which means he's old enough to be her father, so throughout the entire thing I kept praying to the hairy guy upstairs to please please please whatever you do just don't make them kiss in the end, because he's way too old for her and the two of them have zero screen chemistry and the thought of them together makes me blow chunks. Well, they never actually kissed, but the final scene was just as bad. Yuck.

Maggie Grace in better days. I guess Iraqis don't really care about a girl's personality, as long as she looks good in a bikini.


Bonus haiku:

Dubstep's not so bad
Makes me wish I had someone
To bone me to it.

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