It Worked Perfectly

Today I went to see Martin Scorsese's Hugo and it was really really REALLY good, easily my favorite Scorsese movie ever, and the 3D was nothing short of spectacular (well, at least some of the time), and even though nostalgia usually makes me barf violently I was totally moved by the story, and Georges Méliès really was a genius and I can't wait for the remastered A Trip to the Moon blu-ray to come out (yay Air!) and those archive clips were the only truly justified 3D conversions I've seen so far, but seriously, Chloë Grace Moretz needs to get her act together and GROW UP ALREADY, because I am getting sick and tired of feeling like a total pedobear every single time I see her on screen.

Seriously.

Bonus haiku:

Oh Chloë Moretz,
If I were but half my age
Or you twice your own.

Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night

Last night I acted like a total sir and went to see a Hanoch Levin play at the Cameri Theater, where I had the pleasure of staring creepily right at these three lovely actresses. Note: none of them will be mentioned here by name, because of, you know, Google.

This young lady played some sort of hot chick, and I'm guessing it wasn't much of a stretch for her.

This pretty lady played a rather filthy hooker, a look that simply wasn't very becoming of her, but in her natural state she is in fact absolutely lovely. Of course, I already knew that, since I did see her that one time at this really good hummus place in Tel-Aviv three years ago (I believe she had a salad and some tahini eggplant, unless that's a total lie).

This prime example of a gorgeous human female wasn't actually in the play, but she did sit next to us in the theater, and when the coat she was holding accidentally pressed against my arm it was easily one of the top five sexual experiences of my entire life.

Bonus competition: Guess which one of these lovely ladies was lucky enough to be my fappee this morning, and you too could be on my mind the next time I abuse myself, providing you have a vagina (or a small enough penis).

(see pretty ladies IRL label for more)

Foolproof Pick-up Line #20

For the 20th edition of Foolproof Pick-up Lines, here is a special treat for all you ladies out there: a foolproof pick-up line for gals only!

Foolproof Pick-up Line #19

How to Pick Up Women Like a True Coleslaw

In this very special edition of Foolproof Pick-up Lines you'll learn the basic rules to successfully picking up women. Featuring a very special guest appearance by the beautiful and talented Zooey Deschanel as The Chick!


Rule 1:

Rule 2:

Rule 3:

Rule 4:

Rule 5:

Rule 6:

Boneslaw is Retired, Long Live the New Boneslaw!

New Boneslaw has reluctantly accepted the position.

Old Boneslaw will be missed.

See also: Boneslaw's heartbreaking backstory.

That Skull is FA-LAMING!

This week Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance came out in Israel and I'm sure it's mildly entertaining despite the horrible reviews, but there's no way I'm going to see it any time soon because they only have it in awful fake 3D here, and watching a 3D movie using 2D glasses is a special kind of hell I only reserve for movies I absolutely must see on the big screen (John Carter will probably be the first one). Besides, I've already seen Nicolas Cage in 3D in Drive Angry, and that was native 3D. Let us all hope that the guy who first came up with the concept of digitally converting movies into 3D will get really bad eye cancer real soon, so he can feel the collective pain of everyone who's ever had to watch an entire movie using that ridiculous sham of a technology.


And since I haven't seen the Ghost Rider sequel and therefore can't really tell if Violante Placido's hotness can last an entire movie, here is a photo of the lovely Jane Levy (Suburgatory), who is basically the prettiest thing you can find of TV these days. Jimmy Kimmel may not have pronounced her last name the way us Heebs do, but to me she'll always be an honorary Jewess. Enjoy!

Also, ridiculously sexy teeth. Yum!

Update: okay, so she's only half-Jewish (on her dad's side). Good enough for me!