Saturday, August 27, 2011

Welcome to the Rose Elinor Dougall Show!

I have found the perfect woman and her name is Rose and her last name isn't McGowan. A couple of night ago I went to see Mark Ronson and the Business Intl. play live in Tel-Aviv, and even if it weren't the best live show I've ever seen and even if Record Collection weren't such an incredible album I still would have enjoyed the show immensely, because despite my earlier fears, the stunning and talented Rose Elinor Dougall did in fact show up here in all her classy, luscious glory to deliver one of the sexiest, blood boiling performance I shall ever be lucky enough to bear witness to. I've been madly in love with her vocal abilities since her days with the Pipettes, but watching her perform live, just a few meters from me, was just... perfection. The way she danced, the way she moved, the way she put her hands on her hips, and even better, the way she put only one hand on one hip, it was all just pure and utter bliss. Also, fantastic armpits, and a very nice pair of gams. Not only did she sing all her songs from Record Collection, she also performed Oh My God (covered in Version by a cartoon Lily Allen) and Stop Me (covered in Version by some Australian guy), and did a fine job with both of them. Now, apart from clapping at the end of each segment, I rarely do what musicians tell me to do during a show, be it waving my arms, clapping to the beat or jumping up and down, but anything Ms. Dougall asked me to do during her time on stage, I felt completely and helplessly compelled to comply with. Her stage presence was so overpowering that there was just no way on earth I could ever have said no to her. And don't get me wrong, Amanda Warner (MNDR) is totally adorable and freakishly talented, but with Rose Elinor on the opposite side of the stage there was little else I could pay much attention to during the show. At the end of the evening Mr Ronson made a promise to the audience to come back to Israel in the future, and when he does, he better bring Ms. Dougall along with him again, or surely there will be hell to pay.

She also plays a mean tambourine

There was only one thing that bothered me that night, and it was a pretty big thing indeed, and so I would like to take this opportunity to deliver this very important message to the lovely Ms. Rose Elinor Dougall: please stop smoking. If your habit is so bad that you feel the need to smoke on stage between songs, it really can't be very healthy for you. Not only will smoking damage that beautiful, angelic voice of yours, but if I ever read that you've died at an early age from lung cancer, I will never stop crying. So, you know, be a good girl and just stop it. And if you ever feel an uncontrollable need to suckle on something, know that each and every one of my fingers is always available to you at any time, day or night.

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