Busty Guy Problems

I really like Busty Girl Comics. Boobs are hilarious.

Last Night at the Theater (but not on stage)

or: Pretty Girls I Saw Last Night, Part V

Last night I went to this fringe theater play, and it was really good and I totally want to see more of that group, but what really caught my eye was this one chick who sat in my row. I couldn't remember her name, but I did know that I saw her on TV a couple of times a few years ago, that she had a boy's first name, that she was ridiculously younger than me and that she was so, so annoyingly gorgeous, as you can now clearly see. Enjoy!

Oh how I wish I were creepy enough not to allow her to squeeze past me without getting some clothes-on-clothes action

(see pretty ladies IRL label for more)

I Love You, My New Kindle Touch!

Yes, Kindle Touch. Yes, we should.

Foolproof Pick-up Line #26

Random Hangover Thoughts

1. This week I went to see the musician whose name sounds like Shmemily Carpool perform live in Tel-Aviv, and it was really great and everything, but the fact that she's married kinda ruined it for me, peepee-wise. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to fantasize about how after the show one of the security guards will invite me backstage at her request, where she'll perform several unspeakable acts upon my person using her fun parts, when I know she's got a husband waiting for her at home? Female musicians should not be getting married, at least not while they're still hot.

2. I think that the fact that every time I return home from a concert all my clothes smell like an ashtray is the universe's way of telling me to get my jeans washed more often than once a year.

3. Last booze night I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love (mostly for the lovely Analeigh Tipton), and more than anything it made me think about how completely irrelevant to my life it was. You see, the movie takes place in an alternate universe where bars are filled with nothing but friendly, attractive and available young women, and where the quickest way to a woman's heart is simply to be as honest as possible. I don't know where you live, but in the reality I inhabit the only kind of honesty women are interested in is the kind that gets them exactly what they want.

4. I think I'm basically over Emma Stone. I still think she's gorgeous and everything, but she keeps playing the same character over and over again, and the cute witty chick thing has already gotten pretty darn old.

5. Also, Ryan Gosling? I'm sorry, but I just don't get what the big deal is.

6. Finally, I watched an interview with Alison Brie today, and I am sad to report that she seems far less cute than Annie Edison. Same great boobs though.

13 year old boys aren't the only ones who desperately fap to you in their bedrooms, Analeigh Tipton! 

Haiku of the Day: I almost had a heart attack when episode 4 wasn't online on time

I really like Girls
The show, not those dickless folks
They still creep me out

Oh how I wish I were five years younger and that Lena Dunham were into fat, ugly guys, because she is positively ADORABLE. Unfortunately, judging by her movie and TV show, she likes them slim and attractive.

Bonus haiku:

Dear Lena Dunham:
You sure got purdy boobies
And a brain to match

Why I Don't Need a Smartphone, Part II

For a long, long time I was convinced that I needed to get a smartphone, and that my life would never be complete without one. Smartphones are colorful and fun to play with and pretty to look at and they make your life a whole lot easier and much more enjoyable, and absolutely everybody seems to have them these days, to the point where not owning one makes you look like a big weirdo who is just too stubborn to get with the times and join the rest of civilized society. Unfortunately, my long time status as a less-than-productive human being meant that it was quite impossible for me to acquire a smartphone for myself, and since I never believed that things were going to change for me in the future, I was forced to accept my situation and somehow keep living my life without one. Recently, however, I got a chance to have a little hands-on experience with a few smartphones, if only for a short time, and guess what? Sure, I have to agree they are indeed very neat and flashy little things, but personally I found them to be overly complicated contraptions that are ultimately not worth the high prices, the ridiculous monthly fees, the annoying maintenance issues and all the stress that comes along with them. And so, for my upcoming birthday, I've decided that if I were to purchase a portable touchscreen device, I'll be much better off getting a nice, affordable e-reader. At least that way I'd be able to put my free time into something interesting and meaningful, instead of just fingering pretty stuff pointlessly for hours on end.

And yeah, all this also applies perfectly to the matter of getting myself a girlfriend.

Including the e-reader solution.

What I'm trying to say is, I can't wait to get my filthy paws on my brand new Kindle Touch next week!

If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the next 48 hours in front of my computer, fapping vigorously to that Kate Upton dance video. See you on the other side!

See also: Why I Don't Need a Smartphone, Part I