Monday, November 16, 2009

Have you ever eaten alien meat?

Today I finished watching Children of Earth, the five part Torchwood miniseries. I really like Torchwood! It's so much darker and more mature than Doctor Who, the TV show off which it had been spun. How can you not love a show about a semi-secret group of pretty people who fight aliens and make love to anyone and anything they can get their little paws on? If there's anything modern science fiction doesn't have enough of it's gay sex, so I'm awfully happy with how pretty much every single Torchwood character had at the very least made out with a member of the same gender. And the fact that their HQ is situated over a spacetime rift in Cardiff means that there's plenty of funny Welsh accents to go around. Too bad it doesn't have any nudity or four letter words. I like nudity and four letter words. The second season of the series ended with the deaths of two main characters, and so Children of Earth begins with a staff of only three Torchwood members. Apparently some evil alien race has contacted the British government and requested a reasonable welcome gift in the form of 10% of Earth's annoying loud midgets, also known as its children. What exactly are the aliens going to do with so many little human monsters? How will the British bureaucrats select and transport the lucky kids who get to go on a trip to outer space? How could humanity possibly survive with 10% less whining? Watch what is basically a 300 minute episode and find out! I did, and very much enjoyed it. After the long set-up, I was really curious about what the aliens are going to look like. Unfortunately, you never get a good look at the one alien that zaps down to Earth, but what little you do get to see is pretty damn cool. I think I like it better this way anyway. Getting scary glimpses of a monster is much cooler than a big silly puppet, a fake looking CGI creation or, gawd forbid, some dude in a rubber costume. Eve Myles is still pretty cute as the voluptuous Gwen Cooper, Gareth David-Lloyd is very cool as dork-turned-poof Ianto Jones, and John Barrowman is just annoyingly handsome as the annoyingly handsome Captain Jack Harkness. I was happy to find out that in real life he's a full-time homosexual, and not merely bi like his character in the show. If all goes well, they're supposed to start working on a fourth Torchwood season next year, which is very good news. And if anyone wondered, I don't recommend anyone to ever eat any alien meat. That is, unless you really really like him.

Eve Myles, not showing the huge gap between her two front teeth

I don't really know much about Wales (the country, not the marine mammals) or Welsh culture, except that Goldie Lookin Chain are from there. I really like Goldie Lookin Chain. They're Welsh and they're rappers and they're hilarious, even though I can't understand most of their lyrics. "Your Mother's Got a Penis" is a beautiful and tender song that is never too far from my mind. I really need to put some of their songs on my MP3 player, even though I'm pretty sure that my mom doesn't keep a male member hidden in her gown.

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