Sunday, November 15, 2009

Near-30 angst isn't quite so attractive

Yesterday I finished watching the first and only season of My So-Called Life. Um. Yeah. Why did I watch it? How does it fit in with all the Torchwood, Star Trek TOS, Bionic Woman and Count Duckula episodes I've been watching lately? Well, it doesn't. Some people may call it nostalgia. I'd rather call it 'a 29 year old creep lusting after some little chickiepoo he used to lust for when he was 15'. You see, just like any other kid in my school whose parents owned a TV set, I too had a big fat crush over 15 year old Clair Danes back in the mid-'90s. It was just something you did back then, had you a penis and a face full of pimples. Never shall I forget the way one of my old classmates had described the phenomenon to me one day. "She's has like no boobs at all," he said, "but she gives me this warm, hungry feeling inside me". And so, a decade and a half later, I came back to the TV show that first introduced her to me, and found it rather entertaining for what it is, meaning, a show without any aliens or monsters to speak of. The writing is pretty good, and some of the acting is quite spectacular, especially young Ms. Danes' performance. What I failed to notice back then was just how shallow and selfish her character really is, especially for such a sensitive and articulate person. I guess when you're a teenage girl you can pass 'shallow' for 'hormonal'. As someone who went to an all-boys highschool, I'm happy to say that I know very little about teenage girls. It's like her whole crush on Jared Leto's (didn't you just love watching him getting the shit beat out of in Fight Club?) character, around which the main storyline revolves, is based on how pretty he is, and not much more. I mean, I guess he's sort of nice and all, but he's not exactly the brightest pickle in the jar. A himbo, if you will. I dunno, maybe it's just that being the big fat dork that I am, I naturally wanted her to let the dorky neighbor boy into her pants instead. Another surprise was how ugly some of the clothes women wear on the show are. Maybe it's just the type of film stock they used back then or a poor film-to-video transfer, but I don't remember '90s fashion to be quite so lackluster and unattractive. In my head the 1990's were the highpoint of human culture in every respect, and I don't like it when things make me have doubts about it.

Photographic proof that Ms. Danes had died 15 years ago and was subsequently replaced by a flesh covered fembot.

While looking through some photos of Claire Danes, I came across a couple of very recent ones, which kinda creeped me out. I mean, she's undoubtedly a very handsome woman, but she definitely doesn't look 15 anymore. I think that cute teenagers shouldn't be allowed to grow up. It's just too cruel. And yes, I know that she's only a year older than I am and that everybody ages, even me, but 14 years ago I was even fatter than I am today, and my skin was far worse, so aging wasn't such a tragedy for me. In fact, I can't wait for my hair to start going grey. Men with grey hair are totally hot.

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