Sunday, June 26, 2011

Jesus loves hairy Jewish girls

Last night I went to see Sarah Silverman (who's turning 41 this year but could still easily pass for 28, especially with that neck) perform live at the Wohl amphitheatre in Tel-Aviv, and here is a list of some of the things I got to see her do:

1. She pretended to gag on her father's cum.
2. She said the word 'pussy' over and over and over again.
3. She masturbated her pretend-penis into her fist.
4. She sang the word 'cunt' over and over and over again.
5. She masturbated her pretend-vagina (though I'm pretty sure she has a real one tucked in somewhere) in two completely different styles.
6. She confessed to having passionate relations with Mr. Shimon Peres, the president of Israel.
7. She told a disgruntled museum employee that he should kill himself.
8. She asked a cute big-nosed redhead if she's getting raped.
9. She made fun of some poor homosexual's ridiculously fake British accent.

So yeah, even though you spent about half the show on a pointless Q&A session with the audience that did very little more than show our American guests just how unfortunately retarded Israelis can be, and even though you used to let Jimmy Kimmel stick it to you on a regular basis, thank you Sarah for a lovely evening, and way to earn your place on my Facebook list of people who inspire me to do the happy peepee dance.

And you wouldn't believe the sort of stuff she did with that mic

In other news: there was this really hot bikini photo of Bar Paly in the weekend paper, so naturally I had to look up some more online, where I found out that she had a small role in The Ruins, and so I was forced to watch the movie again, the first time I have since I've read the book. I really hope that her part in Hyenas is a little more substantial, because she really is smoking hot, and if I don't get a full frontal from her any time soon I'm probably going to end up wasting my last 4 minutes at that porn site I found a free code card to in an old issue of Heavy Metal.

Everybody knows why you dropped the H from your last name, Bar Paly

Update: could two separate images from the same photo shoot, one showing boobs and the other showing some pubic hair, be considered full frontal? If the answer is yes, I think I may have just saved those 4 free minutes. Hooray!

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