Hungarian Meat is murder

Today I watched Taxidermia, a Hungarian film directed by György Pálfi, based on short stories by Lajos Parti Nagy. Here are the three basic rules of making foreign (non-English) films: first, you need to have a bunch of really long sequences where absolutely nothing in happening, especially not people talking. Then, you need to have several really long monologues that are supposed to be meaningful and thought provoking and have absolutely nothing to do with the plot. Finally, you're going to need quite a bit of inappropriate nudity, which means unattractive people with no clothes on, unattractive people engaged in any kind of sexual activity, and most importantly, lots and lots and lots of penises. Gotta have those penises in your foreign film. Otherwise you may as well shoot in in English. Some people say that it's because Americans are more conservative than, say, Europeans, but that's bullcrap. While European movies really love showing dudes' schlongs, almost all the naked women in them sport big hairy bushes, which completely cover their actual genitals. It's like male genitalia is OK, but female genitalia clearly isn't. So European filmmakers aren't really all that liberal, they just really like boy-peepees. Now, Taxidermia may start off like any other foreign film, the way I just described here, but it totally isn't. It tells three different stories: in the first, some creepy dude is being a total pervert and a pig is being murdered and gutted. Would it be a spoiler to say that these two things are connected? Probably. The second story is about a big fat competitive eater who used to have a tail. His girlfriend/wife is also a pretty big bitch. The third and final story, which is easily the best of the three, is about a friendly neighborhood taxidermist who takes care of his freakishly obese father and his margarine-fed gigantic cats. This is definitely not the best movie for vegetarians. You get lots of dead animals, lots of dead animal parts, some dead animal parts getting eaten by really fat dudes, and a couple of scenes where you're supposed to see human body parts getting sliced and stuff but you can tell that they were clearly extracted from poor little murdered animals. It starts off kinda slow (though I totally dig stories about masturbatory voyeurism), but it keeps getting better and better, until it comes to its delightfully creepy conclusion. Totally worth reading subtitles for an hour and a half.

Ben's flashforward, circa 2045

I also watched the first episode of Flashforward today. It was pretty good! Maybe a little too sappy for its own good, but hopefully it'll get better with time. And Seth Macfarlane has a small role in it! He's so awesome. The other week I saw him in an old Gilmore Girls episode, and it was pretty hilarious. Um. Actually, I take that back. Gilmore Girls is for broads and poofs. Yeah.

Benny in search of the eighth art

Because I loathe bananas!

Today I watched Escape from the Planet of the Apes on DVD, a movie that has always been a big favorite of mine. It's the closest that the POTA series ever got to sci-fi comedy (at least in the first half) and the stylistic diversion from the rest of the movies shines very prettily. Instead of a couple of humans stranded on a planet full of talking apes, this time we only get three chimps (one of which gets killed by a gorilla early in the film) stranded on a planet full of talking humans. Talking humans, imagine that! Kim Hunter and Roddy McDowall do a spectacular job at playing Zira and Cornelius, especially Hunter, whose grace and skill at performing behind an ape mask bring the part to unimaginable levels. Victor from TYATR is pretty creepy as the evil government science guy who wants to get rid of the apes and their cute little baby chimp. To be honest, I don't know if I would've acted any differently in his position. If I came across a couple of talking apes who came here from overseas to take jobs away from honest working homosepians and have their hairy little kids run around in my back yard and later on maybe take over the planet or something, I would probably want to turn them into chimpburgers too. That is, if I actually gave a crap about the future of humanity. Which I totally don't. Humans stink big sweaty balls. If you can read this, that means you too. And Ricardo Montalban (aka Khaaaaaaaaaaan) plays a circus dude! I just read that he died earlier this year at the age of 88. He was so cool. IMDB says that his last role in the industry was that of a talking cow on Family Guy who makes a Holocaust joke (Da-cow) and then helps Peter expose a fast food company for being a big bunch of assholes. Jerry Goldsmith, who composed the soundtrack for the original Planet of the Apes (and for countless other sci-fi movies), did the music here too, and I just adore it. It totally made me feel like I'm in the not too distant future that is 1973. Zira and Cornelius' makeup is as great as in the previous films, but the one thing that bothered me was the 'primitive' apes costumes (a guy in a gorilla suit near the beginning of the movie and a guy in a chimp suit near the end). Those were just pathetic. I guess it couldn't be helped, as it's a known fact that each Apes sequel had a lower budget than its predecessor.

Kim Hunter says the hairy look is back this season

And here's what I've learned today: if a chick drinks lots of booze while she's pregnant, her baby is going to be real smart (for its species) and start talking at a very early age. That is very good to know.

Benny in search of the friend in the mirror

Mooooo

The new season of Fringe started a couple of weeks ago, but I've just finished watching the first one this week. It's taken me forever to watch it all. When I started watching it the first season wasn't even over in the states, but then in June I went for a visit abroad, which sort of broke my viewing rhythm, and then in July abroad came to visit me here (pun intended), and that made it even worse. Still, Fringe is a pretty awesome show. I'm a total sucker for J.J. Abrams stuff (Lost is coming back early 2010! I can't wait!). Filler episodes aside, I love almost everything about the show, starting with the location titles, which give it a very distinct look. Anna Torv, playing special agent Olivia Dunham, may be Australian as well as blonde, and I wouldn't say she's the best actress in the world, but she gives out such a naturally hot vibe that it's not even funny. She's extremely attractive, and in a very interesting, not obvious way, looking like the type of chick you may even enjoy having a conversation with, which is pretty damn rare these days. And it sure doesn't hurt that the top buttons of her blouse are always undone! That always makes me wonder what her skin smells like. And I totally dig her fake American accent. I don't ever want to hear her speak in her normal accent, as that would totally ruin the illusion for me. I've read somewhere that she was ranked pretty high in a "hottest geeks" list in some magazine or something. If Anna Torv is a geek, then I'm a hot Maxim chick. I sure got the boobs for it. John Noble is also Australian, but he gives such an incredible performance as Dr. Walter Bishop that it's easily forgotten. It's a fantastic character and I absolutely buy it. I want Dr. Bishop to be my new best friend! Blair Brown, who plays Nina Sharp, used to be so hot when she was younger, and is still a very handsome woman in her 60s. She's got some pretty awesome nude scenes in Altered States (1980), if you're into that sort of thing. Even Pacey does an OK job as the good doctor's son, and isn't too annoying. And William Bell is actually Leonard Nimoy! I used to have such a gigantic man-crush on Spock. Vulcans are totally hot, even the ones who are mixed with some filthy human blood. The show has a very cool look to it, and the special effects are mostly really good, with the practical effects looking better than the CGI work, as is usually the case.

Anna Torv, not grilling crustaceans

Being a J.J Abrams-produced show means that you get a lot of weird stuff and a lot of questions without too many answers, and that's kind of the way I like it. The way I see it, as awesome as the first season has been, on a larger scale it's merely a year-long exposition piece to the rest of the show. I'm starting to watch season 2 tonight! Yay!

Benny in search of the other team

You may have your faults, but at least you've got pants on

Today I finished watching the second season of True Blood. I love True Blood. It's delicious, nourishing and no one has to die to make it. The show is really good too. You just can't not like a show with that much sex, blood and Anna Paquin nudity. Six Feet Under, Alan Ball's last TV show, was just OK. I guess I sort of enjoyed parts of it, and I do own a couple of seasons on DVD, but mostly it was just a really depressing relationship drama, the kind I usually find rather pointless. Before True Blood aired Mr. Ball has claimed that he has never watched an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which means that he's either a liar or a man of very poor taste, and that wasn't a very good sign. As it turned out, True Blood is actually an extremely fun show, with the kind of bloody, sleazy, pleasurable style that couldn't be further from that of SFU. I really like movies and TV shows that take place in an alternate reality to out own, and the world of True Blood is a very cool one, with vampires and all sorts of supernatural beings roaming the streets, consuming synthetic plasma substitutes and not hiding in the shadows. At least not all the time. And the fact that the lovely Anna Paquin seems to be flaunting her unnaturally perky boobs whenever possible doesn't hurt the show one bit. The romantic scenes are pretty much lost on me, but most of it is very good stuff. While the first season revolved around a cool little whodunit, season 2 is where all the really crazy shit really starts to happen, with Suki dealing with the kidnapping of some übervamp by an anti-vampire church and an evil goddess turning Bon Temps into a nuthouse for the hornily insane. It's quite possible that most of the season's budget went into black contact lenses. It was pretty hilarious to see that pretty little chick who used to let Marilyn Manson stick it to her on a semi-weekly basis playing a lusty vampire queen, a role I'm guessing wasn't too much of a stretch for her. The last episode ended with a cliffhanger, just like the first season did, but at this point I don't really mind it anymore. I think Season 3 should be worth the wait.

To hide her grey streak, Rogue decided to dye her hair blonde

Now that I've finished watching the first two season of True Blood, it's time to start reading the Southern Vampire book series on which the show is based. I've already ordered the first two books from a UK-based store like a month ago, but haven't received them yet. Limey bastards.