An extremely outdated political strip

From the Coleslaw vaults: a comic strip depicting a conversation which took place around the time of the 2008 Democratic Party United States presidential primaries.

Things Straight Guys Never Say

(or: Things My Therapist Says)

Understanding asexuality

Real live ex-poop!

Dinosaurs are cool,

And poop is always funny,

That's why this kicks ass.

Coprolites are educational!

I love my little piece of crap

A foolproof make-up line

Love haikus!

Your boobs are awesome

They look like two lumps of fat

May I touch them, please?

You're my favorite place

To put my penis into

Way more than my hand

If you'd ask me to

I'd have sex with other dudes

Just not in the butt

You are breathtaking

Much like a rose in full bloom

Or a child's anus

Your mouth tastes like pears

I'd like to explore its depths

With my love sausage

Gross looking vegan sausages

Foolproof Pick-up Line #6

Foolproof Pick-up Line #5

Foolproof Pick-up Line #4

Foolproof Pick-up Line #3

Foolproof Pick-up Line #2

Foolproof Pick-up Line #1

Go tentacle monsters!!!

Today I went to see Skyline, and here is my complete and unabridged review of it: whenever there were alien spaceships and monsters on screen it was pretty cool. Whenever Scottie Thompson was on screen it was pretty hot. The rest of the time, it was pretty boring. I did enjoy the movie, but that's just because I really like scary aliens and hot chicks, as all the other aspects of it, like the story and the characters and the dialogs and the directing, were just plain laughable and painfully unoriginal. Wikipedia says there might be a sequel in the works. I guess I wouldn't mind watching it too. At least I'll get to see that one really pretty chick again. She sure looks nice with a big greasy tentacle monster slobbering all over her!

I definitely wouldn't mind making an honest woman out of Ms. Thompson,

if you know what I mean

More than anything Skyline made me want to watch District 9 again. Man, if District 9 had Scottie Thompson instead of some unmemorable South African actress playing the dude's wife it would've turned it into a near perfect film. Movies that are cool, hot, funny and interesting at the same time are so scarce these days. Oh well. I guess they can't all be The Fifth Element.

Bonus haiku:

Beauty marks are gross,

But Scottie Thompson is hot,

Hence my confusion.

Happy Birthday Poodle!

Today is Poodle's birthday, and the nice people at Google Israel were kind enough to make a special logo thingy in her honor. I thought it was mighty sweet of them.

Cute!!!

Fraking retards

Once again I am forced to face the fact that everybody's stupid. I guess a show as original and intelligent and beautiful as Caprica never really had a chance in the first place, because the only way to avoid getting cancelled these days is to make pure and utter crap. Rest in peace, dear friend. *sniff*

37 is the new 40

Once a chick hits 37

She's hardly a chick anymore,

Because once a chick hits 37

She's a full grown woman,

And nobody wants to see a fully grown woman

Trying to be sexy on the screen.

This was recently scientifically proven

By taking a bunch of dudes

And attaching electrodes to their junk

And making them watch the complete box set

Of Friends.

Once Courteney Cox turned 37,

Between the 7th and 8th seasons,

The show started to go down hill,

And so did the dudes' schlongs,

Along with Mrs. Cox's boobs.

My point is,

Cougars are gross.

Unless they're real cougars.

You know, the kitty kind.

Those are really cute.

A 36 year old woman

So I've been watching Lost Girl, which is a new Canadian show about this sexy succubus who tries to find her parents while making out with werewolves and blonde doctor chicks. So far it's been very entertaining, it's fun and cheesy and funny and sleazy, but the thing I don't get about it is that the main character, succubus Bo, is supposed to be 28, while Anna Silk who plays her is going to turn 37 by the end of January 2011. I mean, don't get me wrong, Ms. Silk is one smoking hot little lady with a gorgeous face and killer boobs, but I don't really see how she'll be able to continue to play a luscious sex-crazed demoness in the second season. Casting her in that role was either a very courageous move or a very dumb one. On the other hand, when you look at how new TV shows are constantly being cancelled these days, there's a good chance that an awesome show like Lost Girl won't last for more than a single season. Sigh.

Also, look for those funny Nicoderm commercials on YouTube, in which Anna Silk plays a bitchy air waitress! I definitely wouldn't mind having her yell at me for the entire duration of an intercontinental flight.

Ars Poetica

Creeps live in vans,

And bimbos chew gum,

Fiction is clever,

But poetry's dumb.

Kitties like goldfish,

And hunters like ducks,

Fiction kicks asses,

But poetry sucks.

A man is an island,

A woman's a trap,

Fiction is goodness,

But Poetry's crap.

People are boring,

They're always the same,

Fiction is awesome,

But poetry's lame.

Madonna's a cow,

While Kylie's a minx,

Fiction smells yummy,

But poetry stinks.

Up until recently I was convinced that ars poetica had something to do with this

Plushies may not be forever

But they're still pretty good. They're certainly a lot more huggable than plastic.

My very own huggable Ramona Flowers!!!

On the other hand, plush is usually made out of polyester, which is a kind of plastic, so there's still a good chance my new plushie might just love me back until the day I die. Good.