Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I'm gonna suck your brain dry

Today I watched Scanners on DVD, directed by David Cronenberg. Yup, another Canadian sci-fi thriller! You gotta love those wacky Canadians. They look like Americans, they talk like Americans, they even live in North America, but they're not Americans! And some of them even choose to speak French! That's just insane. Anyway, in today's Canadian sci-fi thriller we get an underground group of Scanners, who are people with telepathic abilities, and a big security corporation that tries to weaponize them. Or maybe it's the other way around? Could be, could be. Scanners is a classic early Cronenberg, with lots of creepy Howard Shore music and weird gore and bad acting. Stephen Lack, who plays the leading character, is just awful. Boring and awful. Maybe his fish-like facial expressions and monotonous voice are supposed to convey the character's alienation from society, but I wouldn't bet on it. Thankfully, most of the other main characters are portrayed in much more interesting ways. Michael Ironside, playing the evil Scanner guy, is as awesome as ever. I totally believe he's a psychopath, and that he can make my head explode whenever he feels like it. He's even got both hands here! He's so friggin' cool and scary it's not even remotely funny. If I had a vagina I'd totally develop a big fat crush on him. Robert Silverman, a regular actor in Cronenberg's films, also known as Creepy Comb-Over Guy, is as creepy as usual, playing the weird artistic Scanner. Some of the sculptures in his exhibition are actually really really good! I've always loved it how they go inside the giant head to have a conversation. There should be way more horror art in museums, instead of that boring let's-put-a-big-lump-of-foam-rubber-on-the-floor-and-call-it-art crap. Surpassing even those two is the almighty Patrick McGoohan, of The Prisoner fame! He's totally dreamy, even with a white beard. If I had a vagina, Mr. McGoohan probably wouldn't want to have anything to do with me when I finally get to meet him in doggy heaven. He (almost) never acted in romantic scenes, and when asked by a director once to kiss an actress on camera, he replied: "Kissing? The only person Patrick McGoohan does that with is Mrs. McGoohan." That's what I always say about kissing! The only person Ben Coleslaw does that with is Mrs. Coleslaw. And by Mrs. Coleslaw, I obviously mean my cat. Cats are very kissable, because they don't judge you and they don't try to make you feel like crap on purpose.


I'm watching The Prisoner on DVD these days. I own the British 40th anniversary edition, that has been completely restored from original film elements and looks absolutely fantastic, and even comes with a paperback book about the production of the series. The Blu-ray version is coming out later this month, and if I had a decent home theater system I would have totally pre-ordered it. The Prisoner was an awesome show that only a brilliant nutjob like McGoohan could ever pull off. May his crazy soul rest in peace.

1 comment:

  1. She must be Mrs. McGoohan then.....