Thursday, January 21, 2010

Attack of the Gloomy Clones

Today I watched Moon, a science fiction drama starring Sam Rockwell and directed by some guy who came out of David Bowie's loins. I think that means his bellybutton or something. In Moon Sam Rockwell's character, who is also named Sam, is all alone in some remote lunar base where he's single-handedly in charge of operating a mining station that harvests the moon's precious something-or-other that fuels up planet Earth these days, now that it's been dried out of all fossil fuels, accompanied only by a robot-type thingy named Gerty. Sam's three-year mission is about to end, so he's pretty darn excited about finally going back home to his big tittied blonde wife and his adorable little girl, who he himself admits was probably conceived by the milkman. Why the cheating whore would want to bump uglies with a guy who hasn't had a real job since the '60s is way beyond me, but I guess some chicks are just completely into losers, and all I can do is hope that some day I'll get to meet one of them myself. The thing is, a few days before a ship is supposed to pick him up, Sam has a little accident that results in him finding out the truth about his work situation. As it turns out, Sam is nothing but a mere clone, one of many that have been operating the mining station for years now, each one for three years. After his accident the system automatically brought a new clone to life, so now both the old Sam and the new one are forced to do the whole roommates thing for a while until the pickup gets there or until the old Sam turns into a bloody mess and expires, as clones tend to do after their three-year run is over. I guess it's an OK movie, even if it's not the masterpiece everybody claims it is, but my main problem with it was that I see absolutely no reason to use clones to run a lunar station. Being all by myself on a gigantic lifeless rock, doing minimal work and spending most of my time watching old TV shows has always been my dream job, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I mean, there's no way I'd ever take Bewitched DVDs up there like Sam here did, but I definitely wouldn't mind taking something along the lines of the entire Star Trek collection along with me, including all 726 episodes of all 29 seasons of all six shows plus all the feature films, and watching it all until my eyes start to bleed. So wouldn't employing a single antisocial dork make much more financial sense than going through all the trouble of creating an entire army of fully functional human clones, complete with false memories and the fake video footage to back them up? Ugh. Anyway, Sam Rockwell is actually really good here. His interaction with himself throughout the entire film is completely convincing, and not just because the effects work is near-flawless (despite the comparatively low budget). He's also pretty much the only actor in the movie, as you only get to see other people on these tiny little computer screens, the only exception being a dream or something that Sam has about nailing his wife. I really hope they pack lots and lots of hand lotion or something in lunar bases, otherwise their clones are going to damage themselves pretty badly. I kinda liked Moon, even though it didn't rock my world or anything. I just hope that I'll still be alive when they start sending people into outer space to do boring, repetitive and fairly easy jobs, so that in the end my life wouldn't be a complete failure.

Kevin Spacey's performance has never been this convincing

And yesterday I watched the final Doctor Who specials with David Tennant and they were pretty damn good, even though I still think that a Doctor without some sort of purdy little chickypoo at his side is sort of pointless, and except for that special with Michelle Ryan from last year we haven't had that since 2006. David Tennant was a really good Doctor and he will definitely be missed. The new one seems way too young and handsome and the new companion was born in 1987, so I guess it's going to be a show for teenagers from now on. Oh well. I guess I can always just have some pantsless fun with the first two seasons, the ones with Billie Piper, or better yet, with Secret Diary of a Call Girl episodes. Go Britain! I wish you'd never left the smelly Holyland!

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