Sunday, January 17, 2010

Robocop's Wacky Adventures through Time and Space!

Last week I finished watching Odyssey 5 for the second time, and was once again deeply saddened by its early demise. Odyssey 5 is a Canadian science fiction TV show from 2002 about the crew of a space shuttle that gets rescued by some crazy space alien who looks like The Well-Manicured Man from The X Files after the entire earth is destroyed for some reason. In order to cancel this event out, the alien being transports the minds of all five surviving crew members five years back in time and into their five years younger bodies, in the hope that they'll somehow be able to prevent their smelly little planet from going ka-boom. The freakishly awesome Peter Weller played Chuck Taggart, the senior astronaut that got stuck trying to save the earth along with his brat of a son, some creepy foreign dude and, as if to make matters even worse, a couple of crazy broads. Together they had to fight these scary cyberspace artificial intelligence life forms called Sentients, and their physical manifestations called Synthetics. Synthetics can look just like regular people, so you have to be real careful, because just about anyone can be a Synth. They might even be in the same room with you right now, and you'll never be able to tell! So you really can't trust anyone anymore, especially not people with no fingerprints (or people with no male genitalia, but that's a whole other matter). Kinda like in a million other sci-fi shows, but still done in a pretty interesting way. Peter Weller is nothing but pure magic, and he completely owned every single second he was on screen. Just watching him order a simple cup of coffee is a pure and utter joy ("Fucking pretentious, commercial bullshit. You can't even order a coffee anymore without somebody trying to be the queen of France"). His son was played by some dude I think I saw in some retarded WB show with a couple of really hot chicks. I guess he was OK, if a tiny bit too whiny, but the really cool thing about the character was his girlfriend, played by the gorgeous Canadian actress Lindy Booth! What a choice piece of ass, and yet another Canadian chick I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with in a creepy, dilapidated wooden hut in the middle of nowhere. I guess it can be a little distracting when you're trying to watch people save the planet from mutant internet monsters and all you can think about is frenching one of the side character's poop chute, but in the end of the day it was totally worth it. I really liked her in the awesome Dawn of the Dead remake, where she played Max Headroom's smokin' hot daughter, as well as in a bunch of other horror movies. Sebastian Roché played the horny British author who despite having rather patchy facial hair seems to be getting all the pussy he could ever want on a weekly basis, which gave the viewing public a healthy amount of lovely Canadian boobage whenever he was entertaining a lady friend at his mildly sleazy bachelor's pad. And oh yeah, they could show boobs on Odyssey 5! And say naughty words too! How cool was that?! I don't know of any other sci-fi show that did that since. I recently saw Mr. Roché in Fringe, where he played a bad guy with a popsicle for a head, and he's still as creepy and British as he ever was. Tamara Craig Thomas played the only female astronaut, and it's a complete mystery to me that she's the only member of the cast who doesn't have a Wikipedia page, because she was totally hot and just too adorable. Hot chicks with guns are pretty awesome, and if they're packing heat with no bra on they tend to look even awesomer. She's also the only thing I remember from Tromeo and Juliet, other than how some guy gets his hand chopped off or something. The final crew member was some reporter chick, but hers was the most boring storyline of all, something about saving an annoying little monster from getting butt cancer or some such thing. The last episode of Odyssey 5 suggested that everything we thought we knew about the origin of the Sentients couldn't be farther from the truth, and that they're far more ancient than anyone could have imagined. Also, the moon is artificial. And hollow. The End. Cancelled. No more Odyssey 5. How sucky is that?! Odyssey 5 was one of the coolest things on TV, a real sci-fi show for sci-fi fans, and whoever decided to cancel it after only one season was a friggin' retard and I hope that they get a brain tumor the size of my prostate.

Lindy Booth being adorable

I've read good things about The Goode Family, an animated show co-created by Mike Judge, so I went and downloaded the entire first season without watching a single episode. Well, that was a complete waste of bandwidth, because I couldn't even get through the first half of the first episode. Really, it's that bad. I absolutely loved Beavis and Butthead as a teenager, but Mike Judge has completely lost it. The Goode Family is about as funny as King of the Hill, which is to say, not at all. This guy turned from über cool to lamest asshole ever, and there's no way I'm ever going to buy the heavily censored (by Judge himself) Beavis and Butthead DVD collection, even though it's dirt cheap right now.

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