Thursday, January 7, 2010

I too want something good to eat

Today I watched Trick 'r Treat, a funny little horror film that was never released theatrically, and I really really liked it. It's basically an anthology piece comprised of four Halloween stories that are loosely connected, plus a short opening bit with the blonde chick from Popular and that dude from Dollhouse and Battlestar Galactica. One story is about a mild-mannered school principal, played by that remarkably handsome pedo from Happiness, who is secretly a murderous SOB who enjoys driving big knives through people's faces as well as innocent little pumpkins. Another story is about a group of kids, one of which looks almost exactly like Reggie from Dead Like Me only with much nicer boobs, who go out on a scavenger hunt for jack-o-lanterns and follow the path of a local legend about a mean ol' bus driver who drives a short bus full of masked retards into a lake. The story that made my general crotch area the happiest was the one about a delightfully self-conscious young woman, played by the lovely Anna Paquin, who sets out to finally lose that pesky virginity of hers with the aid of her voluptuous friends, a process that turns out to be like a million times awesomer than I had originally expected it to be. Suffice it to say, Ms. Paquin looks even hotter without that nasty gap between her two front teeth. The final story is about a grumpy old man that looks like Brian Cox with a pointy fake nose who is being terrorized in the privacy of his own home by a creepy little dude with a big round head who keeps popping up even during the segments of the movie he doesn't star in. Each and every one of these stories is pretty great and very well acted, even the boobless ones, and I've enjoyed them all quite a bit. Trick 'r Treat was written and directed by Michael Dougherty, who has previously co-written X-Men 2 (yay!) and Superman Returns (boo), and the way it was treated by Warner Bros. is an absolute tragedy. It was supposed to be released into theaters in time for Halloween 2007, but since everybody in Hollywood is an asshole it never was, until they finally released it straight to DVD and Blu-ray on October of last year. Oh well. It's not like they would have released it over here anyway. I'm still really happy that it was made and that I got to watch it, because it's a very clever and often hilarious little horror movie and there's just something that's extremely cool about it. And Wikipedia says that there's going to be a sequel! That's like the best news I've heard since they announced that the new Miley Cyrus sex tape is going be released online early next month!

It's OK, as of last year Britt McKillip is perfectly legal

I first saw Britt McKillip in Dead Like Me, a TV show created by Bryan Fuller. Mr. Fuller has later went on to create Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, two shows that starred Caroline Dhavernas and Anna Friel respectively. Both of them are just insanely hot in a way I can't even begin to describe, they both have flawless fake American accents and they both starred in a Canadian movie called Niagara Motel, which I've watched yesterday. It's not that great a movie (it's based on a play or something. pfft) but it did deliver a stunningly topless Anna Friel, which is a sight to be seen indeed, so I was pretty satisfied in the end. I also got to see Caroline Dhavernas speak French in that weird French Canadian accent of hers, which was pretty damn hot. Ms. Dhavernas is exactly two years older than me, which I like to take as a sign that she and I are destined to meet one day, fall madly in love and grow old together in a secluded cabin deep within the Canadian wilderness. Gorgeous Canadian actresses usually go for fat Middle Eastern slobs, right?

Caroline Dhavernas. Yay! I share something with one of
the loveliest creatures on the planet!

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