Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Nazi steampunk zombies. Enough said

I have no idea what people are talking about. They've been calling it dumb, they've been calling it incoherent, they've been saying that it's like one long music video and that it gets really boring really fast. And you know what? That's the last time I'm going to pay any amount of attention to what other people say, ever, because today I went to see Sucker Punch for myself, and it was so profoundly awesome that I very nearly pooped my pants, even though my next bathroom appointment wasn't scheduled until tomorrow morning. It was that cool. And no, I didn't think it was stupid at all. It is simply the kind of movie that has its own internal logic, that's all, and that doesn't make it a bad movie, not in the slightest. And yeah, it's very pretty to look at. Emily Browning is totally cute, Abbie Cornish looks totally hot, and even that annoying chick from those dreadfully homosexual Disney musicals isn't too annoying here. And how could anyone not love a movie that has the spectacularly adorable Jena Malone playing a mental patient that plays a hooker that plays an ass-kicking superhero? Stuff like that is completely and hopelessly beyond me. You also get dragons, and robots, and demon samurais, and yeah, even Nazi steampunk zombies! Sure, they're not really Nazis, because they're WWI German steampunk zombies, but you get my point. And the music is pretty great too, even if some of the covers are a little on the obvious side. I really liked Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead remake, but 300 and Watchmen kind of let me down (no fake monster!!!), which made me suspect that he was nothing more than a one zombie pony, but in my opinion Sucker Punch delivered everything those fantastic trailers promised and so much more. Just please try not to mess up the Superman reboot too much, Mr. Snyder, or you'll be stuck directing owls with Australian accents for the rest of your life. Bottom line: I'm totally going to see Sucker Punch again in the near future, providing it would last more than two weeks at the movies.

Jena Malone in glasses, making a cute face.
I think I just made love to my undies, hands free.

I'm so happy that they decided not to convert Sucker Punch into 3D. I'm sure it would've looked spectacular in 3D, but only if they had actually shot it that way in the first place. Thor is coming out here this Thursday, and I'm already annoyed that I'm going to have to see it in horrible fake 3D. And then there's Captain America. And Green Lantern. Ugh. I hate you, Hollywood. I really do. I hope you get over this sad phase real soon and grow the fuck up. Real 3D is awesome. Fake 3D is the devil. Everybody seems to know that except for you.

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