Tuesday, December 22, 2009

All bow down before the mighty Washing Machine

Today I watched Franklyn, yet another film I could've seen at the Icon sci-fi and fantasy film festival but hadn't, and I'm not completely sure, but I think I've enjoyed it quite a bit. Franklyn is a British drama about a scrawny little dude who gets jilted at the altar by his bitch of a fiancee and somehow manages to reunite with this chick he used to want to bang back when they were both little kids. It's also about this pretentious art student slash drama queen who sort of looks like Eva Green and is really into making lame video art and even lamer suicide attempts. Franklyn is also about some old guy who's out looking for his long lost son, who I guess got kinda screwy after visiting the sandier parts of the smelly Middle East, something I can totally relate to. The thing is, that's not all. The only reason I even watched this film is because Franklyn is also a sci-fi/fantasy fable about this guy in a creepy scarecrow mask who narrates his own actions with an American accent and keeps fighting these dudes who wear freakishly high top-hats in a dark gothic city known only as Meanwhile City that's set in an alternate universe where strange people in strange costumes wear strange masks and practice an endless variety of strange religions, as everyone has to choose a religion and anyone can start their own. It all comes together quite nicely in the end, but I couldn't help but feel sort of cheated as I was watching it, because while the trailer showed mostly scenes from the one cool storyline, there's actually very little of it in the final film. I would've really liked to see an entire movie set in this strange and beautifully dark world, and it seems like such a shame that so much time and effort went into creating it when I'm pretty sure it didn't get much more than 20 minutes of screen time. Oh well. It's still a pretty good movie that looks really cool and still manages to be quite original, which is no small a feat in this era of big screen adaptations, sequels, remakes, reboots and reimaginings. People are so lazy these days. No wonder everybody's so thrilled about finally being done with this whole stupid decade in just a little over a week.

Eva Green, dressed like a high-class hooker

I didn't used to like Eva Green all that much, but I kinda do now. Her performance here is pretty impressive, and I totally dig her near-flawless British accent, which is much better than the one Ryan Phillippe assumes in the film. It almost made me forget all about how weird her boobs looked in The Dreamers, a film that had I bothered to watch would have taught me the shocking truth that people used to have sex in the '60s. I mean, they're not bad looking boobs in any way, they're just very... um... European. You see, it's her nipples. They're just too damn big. Which isn't to say that that's what a European woman's boobs are most likely to look like, but that European films are where you're most likely to encounter those kinds of natural, slight imperfections. Pretty good color though, areola-wise. And a very nice looking vagina too, if a little on the fuzzy side. I guess it was a pretty normal thing for men in the '60s to cough up a hairball or two every once in a while.

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