Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I almost forgot to remember to be scared

Yesterday I watched 9, directed by Shane Acker and co-produced by Russian insane asylum escapee Timur Bekmambetov and lame has-been with stupid hair Tim Burton. An awesome American computer animated feature film, who would have thought! 9 came out in Israel last week, but since everybody's an asshole here, the only screens that show it in Tel-Aviv are about the same size as your average 3 shekel stamp. I've never really enjoyed the sensation of getting ripped off, so there was just no way I'd go see it under those conditions, which left me no other option but to download 9 in 720p and watch it at home, no matter how much I wanted the creators of the movie to have my money in exchange for a proper viewing of their work. After having seen the movie, I'm a tragillion times more pissed at those retarded little dumbfucks who are in charge of its local distribution. What a truly great film. 9 has to be one of the coolest, creepiest and most imaginative animated movies ever created. Everything about it, the script, the animation, the set design, the character design, the music, everything is absolutely top notch. All the main nine characters, all named 1 through 9 in order of their creation, are basically these creepy little cloth dolls with mechanical guts, each with its own handmade looking style. Each of them also has its unique way of keeping their clockwork innards in place, from laces through different kinds of buttons and finally with 9's zipper, which I though was a really nice touch. They all live in a very realistic and utterly depressing post apocalyptic world, where war has destroyed all biological life, leaving only these nine little guys (eight guys and one girl, actually) to run around scared of various animal-like metal-and-bone atrocities and get high on magnets (which actually makes perfect sense if you're a mechanical being). It's all very cool and very intelligent and very dark, thanks to the PG-13 rating, which is pretty good for an animated feature. Tim Burton would kill to be able to make something this incredible these days. His Corpse Bride was a pathetic and soulless affair, nothing more than a desperate attempt to recapture his past glory. 9 is pure genius, far far above the usual kiddie crap Pixar and its kind have been peddling for over a decade now. There's so much animated crap out there these days that I think it's extremely important to celebrate a rare cinematic miracle like this one. Like, I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but today I almost went to see Disney's A Christmas Carol, just because it's in 3D. That is, until I remembered just how much I hated the trailers and how much I loathe Robert Zemeckis' own brand of motion capture animation, which is the most technologically advanced technique to make movies that look like bad puppet shows. I've recently read an article in a local website about how kid movies these days are too scary, and they mentioned Coraline, 9, A Christmas Carol and Where the Wild Things Are as examples. I'm always amazed at how some people who think animation is just for children still have enough brain power left to type up semi-coherent sentences and post them online.


I also watched Push this week, and it's a pretty sleek and colorful film, but I don't really have much to say about it other than this: Push was released early this year and was shot when Dakota Fanning was 14, and she looks pretty much like her usual adorable self in it. Well, a couple of weeks ago I saw her on Leno (which was a rather painful experience, since I hate Jay Leno pretty deeply) and guess what? She's not cute anymore! I really do hope that it's just an awkward phase and that she's going to grow out of it and turn into a hot chick in the near future, otherwise it's going to be a complete waste. That's one of the few joys of growing old. If you're patient enough, every cute little child actress is going to become bangable at some point.

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